HuffPo writer opposes mandatory paternity testing

Bobsutan · 26 days

What idiotic twaddle.

As for the non-biological father, he gets the dubious pleasure of knowing he's been cheated twice over -- cheated financially out of money he paid to raise a child for whom he's not responsible, and cheated emotionally of his status as a loving father.

Because being an ignorant chump is so much better.

As for the child, I can't imagine that it's anything but painful to learn that "Dad" isn't your father -- especially once you're old enough to realize that Mom may have been hiding his "real" identity.

The point of paternity testing at birth is to avoid such a situation.

And Mom herself? She gets to have her character called into question because she either didn't know or didn't say who her baby-daddy was. Basically, this law would be a lose-lose-lose-lose proposition for everyone involved.

A woman who didn't know or didn't say who the father was but let her husband assume he was richly deserves to have her character called into question.

Pumpkinpopkin · 27 days

How about be nice? Be appreciative, compliment him, be admiring of his strengths. My wife does this often and it feels great.

Even better, do these things once in a while when you're with his buds. Nothing gives a guy status with his friends like an admiring girlfriend.

It may be hard for you to be this positive at first. Our culture loves tearing men down, and it especially encourages women to tear men down. It also tells women that being appreciative of their man is being subservient. It's not, it's just being nice to someone you care about. I think you will find that building him up will yield much better results - for both of you.

SentinelSix · 1 month

Yes, that's exactly it. The expanded feminist definition of rape is deliberately created so any man can be accused of rape in any situation. Is there something about his past he didn't tell her? She's uniformed, he's a rapist. He embellished his life story a bit? He's not honest, so he's a rapist. She had a beer? He's a rapist. She said yes but didn't really want it? He's a rapist. She wasn't quite enthusiastic enough? He's a rapist.

Making a standard of consent with infinite exceptions is just a ploy to justify the feminist belief that all men are rapists. So the fact you call me a rapist doesn't bother me in the slightest. I'm a man, therefore by definition I'm a rapist. So what? You've devalued the word so much it's meaningless.

SentinelSix · 1 month

What's 'creative' doing there? If a someone is predictable and unimaginative, does that make them a rapist? By that standard, my wife rapes me several times a week.

And even apart from that, your expanded feminist definition of consent is ridiculous. By so greatly expanding the list of requirements for consent, it makes it trivial to claim non-consent, and hence rape. Which is the feminist goal of course - to lower the standard of rape as low as possible.

anon_and_on · 1 month

That's too meta for me.

johnmars3 · 1 month

that does not, however, equate to a net benefit for the vast majority of men

Yes, on that we agree.

thisisabadidea09990 · 1 month

1) Am I dating two women right now? If so, I feel this is unfair to both of them.

You are "non-dating" the second one. You haven't done anything that's obviously outside the realm of a platonic friendship, but there's a sexual and romantic attraction that you are both playing with. It's clear she's trying to seduce you and you are tempted.

2) Should I warn my friend that the girl he's dating is pseudo dating me?

No. But you should stop seeing the second girl like that. Meet only in groups or in public places. I think it's OK to have platonic friends, and sometimes we get crushes on our platonic friends. But we can also choose not to act on those crushes.

Injustafewhours · 1 month

It looks like your SO is trying to isolate you and cut you off from your friends. She is jealous that you have a life outside of her and wants to monopolize you. She is threatened because she feels she needs you more than you need her. She feels inadequate because she has no life outside of you, and rather than trying to improve herself, she is trying to drag you down to her level.

These are very serious problems in a relationship. If you submit to her attempts to control you, your life will become miserable. And so will hers. Making you miserable won't improve her situation at all. You need to pursue a course of therapy that will make her feel better about herself so she doesn't feel the need to drag you down. Help pull her up instead. You do need to reassure her that her fears are unfounded and you do love her and are committed to her, but don't give in to unreasonable demands.

As for her taking offense at the game, all that was simply a rationalization. She's making things up to be offended about to feel justified in making unreasonable demands on you. The facts of what happened at the game are completely irrelevant. Focus on the emotional motivation behind her actions instead.

SentinelSix · 1 month

The point is feminists call this rape when the victim is a woman. I have yet to see a feminist call a woman a rapist when she had sex with a drunk man.

Occidentalist · 1 month

Because silly mind games and shit tests and negs and all that are a basic part of human mating behavior. People all over do these things. It's a way to figure out if a prospective partner is really all that they are making themselves out to be. It's a way to test for wit and confidence and self control.

When I was young I completely misunderstood "shit tests" directed at me by women. I viewed them as insults rather than as a challenge that I was being invited to overcome. As a result I reacted negatively instead of with "amused mastery", thereby demonstrating neither wit nor confidence nor self control. A little game would have helped me understand that this is what some women do, why they do it, and how to respond constructively.

Occidentalist · 1 month

how to see through and avoid narcissistic sociopaths

The trouble is that the most well known game bloggers are narcissistic sociopaths. Roissy/Heartiste has proudly boated that he has the dark tria traits of narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy. His idea of the perfect PUA is a guy with these traits.

I read Roissy because he often has keen insights into human nature (Machiavellians usually do). But I think he's a poor example for a well-balanced man to try to emulate.

The best way for a woman to avoid men like that is for them to read their blogs and books themselves, so they know what they're up against. Or they can read a book by a feminist who's learned PUA from the inside and explains it all, both the bad and the good.

wavevector · 1 month

Yeah. Imagine if Ryan Gosling were to complain that the media was celebrating "male disposibility" because he risked his life to save hers.

SentinelSix · 1 month

No, I agree it's rape too.

wavevector · 1 month

It's OK to cry and don't let anyone tell you different.

I cried when my cat died, and I'm a middle aged man. Hell, I'm tearing up now just thinking about it.

my mom walks up to me yelling saying that since i am a man i need to "man up" and stop crying, that "MEN ARN'T ALLOWED TO CRY!" .

Women are often the primary enforcers of gender norms on men (especially when it's to their advantage). What's going on with the crying is that women want to be the ones who have the privilege of being emotional and out of control and expect men to be stoic and comfort them and keep the shit together. A man who is crying too, who is feeling his own pain, isn't useful to a woman that way. And women judge men on how useful they are. This is one possible reason your mom was telling you to "man up": so you can learn to be a useful support system for a future wife so your mom can get the grand kids she's been wanting.

Congrats for being able to see through that and reject it.

johnmars3 · 1 month

Although /mr is on red alert for trolls, nothing the OP is saying hasn't been said here many times. The revolution in gender roles has increased men's personal autonomy and self determination. Men are free to choose a path other than provider, protector, husband, and father. Guys like the OP are taking advantage of that, and more power to them.

I am personally not sure that the increase in freedom of male gender roles is a net win however. The old gender roles definitely gave a man a sense of purpose and value in the world, without which all the freedom might seem empty and hedonistic. I for one think a life of travel, tricks, and xbox would get tiresome after a while.

SentinelSix · 1 month

Let's reverse the genders:

He came into my bedroom and sat down next to me and started talking to me. Honestly I don't remember what he said. I was drunk. All I remember is his big chest pressed up against me, and then kissing, and then him going down on me. I know that I would never in a million years have initiated this contact, even as horny and lonely as I was. I wasn't especially attracted to him physically, and even if I had been, I would never have done that to my friend.

I think most feminists would say that this is definitely rape. You were drunk and unable to consent.

wavevector · 1 month

“I really do object to being framed as the ditzy damsel in distress in this story,” she wrote online. “I do not mean any disrespect to Ryan Gosling, who is an excellent actor and, by all accounts, a personable and decent chap . . . But as a feminist, a writer, and a gentlewoman of fortune, I refuse to be cast in any sort of boring supporting female role, even though I have occasional trouble crossing the road

anon_and_on · 1 month

I wasn't comparing the two wrongs, but the troll and its Jezebel friends certainly did and found the wrongs suffered by the man to be not worth discussing.

But actually, I disagree. You can compare two wrongs and make justifications based on their weights. All significant problems in ethics revolve around questions of that sort.

anon_and_on · 1 month

I think Eschatology would welcome you as a guest blogger. Why don't you go check it out?

wavevector · 1 month

You're making valid criticisms. That's good. It makes us better.

anon_and_on · 1 month

A lot of people were calling bullshit. Others took the approach I described. How can we prove it's real anyway? This is reddit, not the FBI!

anon_and_on · 1 month

Contrary to our troll's opinion, events like it described are well documented and occur often enough to worry about. So if we have a case where it might be a troll or it might be a young man getting himself into deep shit, we have to assume the latter and try to help him.

anon_and_on · 1 month

The feminist troll claims it revealed /MensRights to be morally bankrupt. But it showed itself to be morally bankrupt instead.

The troll presented a scenario that had two wrongs:

The woman was stealing sperm to impregnate herself - a betrayal of trust, a terrible violation of the man's body integrity, and an event which would impose upon him 18-22 years of child support payments and a lifetime of parental obligations.
The man hit the woman in the stomach, doing no serious harm but leaving a bruise.

The feminist troll clearly thinks the former wrongs are completely inconsequential, while the latter is an unpardonable offense. In the troll's perspective, a lifetime of expense and obligation suffered by a man are inconsequential compared to a bruise suffered by a woman.

This same ethical blindness to harm suffered by men was also on display in the Jezebel article.

This, my friends, is why feminism is our enemy.

wavevector

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