I know, I know, the worst way to fix a DB

throwaway_quinn · 2012-05-25T23:29:16.199389+00:00

Careful.

krocacola · 2012-05-25T21:27:59.582022+00:00

HA! Strong material, my good man.

tastyflowertits · 2012-05-25T21:10:13.884052+00:00

If you were hitting her cervix with force, you'd realize it. It's fairly unyielding. As for her, it's possible that she enjoys cervix bashing, but not likely. Most women experience discomfort at least, if not severe pain.

diversionmary · 2012-05-25T17:33:31.590036+00:00

I'm so proud of you!

lifeaftersex · 2012-05-25T17:30:54.066276+00:00

My wife is 40. There were no "dirty thirties".

I'm sure she wants things to be better, but for my benefit, not her own. She can take it or leave it (I let it ride once, for science: six weeks until I broke). For a long time I was convinced that she just has a low libido, but admitting that she quite possibly wants to fuck a very different person than me is gutting.

I'm just empty. We're supposed to have sex this evening, and I find myself almost dreading it. Every word out of her mouth has been politely tolerant. No eagerness, no excitement. Our target was twice a week, it's been over two weeks, and she has absolutely no sense of urgency or anticipation.

The idea of finding a sexually compatible partner? Christ, that sounds even more impossible. The reasons my wife doesn't desire me are the same reasons nobody else would. A woman might fall in love with a short, average-looking, average-dicked, middle-aged nice guy, but she doesn't want to fuck one. Not really. Nothing wrong with that; I'm attracted to pretty women with big boobs because I'm hard-wired to do so, and they like what they like for the same reasons.

Thanks, though. That someone else has at least walked away from a no-win situation like this is... I don't have a word. I don't feel encouraged or hopeful in the slightest-- if anything, I'm more convinced than ever that this is going to end very badly-- but at least I can envision crawling out of the flaming wreckage.

lifeaftersex · 2012-05-25T15:51:22.402123+00:00

Thanks. I've pretty much ruled the idea out, and never thought it was a high-percentage play in the first place, but stuff like this is good reinforcement.

At some point, I'm just going to have to decide if her reluctantly going through the motions for me (at best) or avoiding sex altogether (at worst) is more painful than leaving my otherwise damn-near perfect woman.

Ro-bearBerbil · 2012-05-25T15:15:24.944484+00:00

she has asked me to back off

She just has felt like I've been distant.

Does she not understand that when things back off they become more distant?

thebuddhalife · 2012-05-25T15:11:35.018642+00:00

You need to stop and look at each sentence of PistonHonda33's comment-- particularly the first two-- and find the hole in his logic before you call him an idiot. I empathize with the gut-twisting doubt you're going through, but you need to take a breath and think this through.

NotMeUsee · 2012-05-25T14:34:58.138631+00:00

If it becomes the status quo, that's about a little over three times a month. That'd be enough to make me cranky.

EDIT: included an actual number.

tastyflowertits · 2012-05-25T14:26:16.969930+00:00

Just because your girlfriend is tiny doesn't necessarily mean her vaginal canal is tiny. But if you are hitting her cervix with force, you'll probably know it-- you'll be repeatedly smashing your glans against a pretty solid structure that doesn't have a whole lot of "give". If your girlfriend is like most women, she'll be very aware of it, too: many equate cervix bashing with a kick to the testicles.

grassfarmer_pro · 2012-05-25T14:22:42.171478+00:00

No actual words? Several hours. Minimal contact? A day or two.

Things seldom change for the better due to such silences. Usually, it leads to a tense week or two where neither party wants to initiate anything friendly. Once in a great while, one party or the other will admit to being objectively wrong if it's that sort of argument, but not often.

seekingagirl · 2012-05-25T14:00:10.229904+00:00

I'd guessed it was her cervix. Somewhat surprisingly, my wife had no idea what it could be when I asked, but I figured there could only be so many firm structures in the region.

If I'm just barely able to graze her cervix, is it even likely that I can effectively stimulate her anterior fornix, or should I concentrate my efforts elsewhere? My efforts to focus on the anterior erogenous zones in general have been met with no obvious reaction (PiV) or discomfort (fingering). I've asked for more feedback, which she interpreted as "moan more at everything he does"-- nice enough, but not terribly informative. She just can't seem to get comfortable with the idea of just telling me what she likes, or seeking it out herself (she seems almost at a loss when she's on top).

frustration0707 · 2012-05-25T11:57:41.323367+00:00

The reason she doesn't fully enjoy sex is probably that she doesn't enjoy foreplay. Penetrative sex can be fun and satisfying, but she's missing out on some of the best sensations and orgasms.

seekingagirl · 2012-05-25T11:40:34.229648+00:00

Hmph. We do the position you described all the time, and I've never sensed being near the "end" of anything. I graze something fairly rigid in deep-penetration positions, but she has no idea what it is (and describes neither pain nor pleasure on contact).

Okay, that's my last question on the anterior fornix. If I'm ever going to come to terms with being average, it's not going to be by standing outside the fence at the big boys playground!

seekingagirl · 2012-05-25T06:11:29.812954+00:00

Guy with shorter penis checking in: assuming I hit it, should I be able to feel a difference, or am I counting on her response to know I'm in the right place?

SynisterSilence · 2012-05-25T06:08:26.798327+00:00

I've seen equal numbers of "ten seconds" and "couldn't finish". Personally, I banged away for half an hour and couldn't finish my first time.

lifeaftersex · 2012-05-25T06:05:23.282517+00:00

Eh, some guys have it, some don't. With few exceptions, women never dug me. Being short hurts quite a bit; fall below 5'8" and you don't even register on most women's radar.

And anyway, the truth is I'd rather be with my wife. Even if I was capable of picking up women, I wouldn't want to... but damn, it'd be nice to feel wanted, not humored.

diversionmary · 2012-05-25T05:46:55.397576+00:00

Do you know if something happened? Her comments grew short in her last thread before she deleted her account.

its_not_any_of_those · 1 day

I'd be really upset.

lifeaftersex · 1 day

Once again, I'm oddly thankful to be an average-looking guy. If I thought I could land several knockouts, I might make very different decisions.

lifeaftersex · 1 day

Or a weak-willed idiot/sucker/doormat. Time will tell.

sexythrowaway7844 · 1 day

Duh; I totally missed you were both female! Still, the principle stands.

As for vibe suggestions, I'm probably not the right guy to ask-- my wife is a little conservative by /r/sex standards, so no toys in our house. But if you search or ask around, I'm sure you'll get plenty of feedback.

sexythrowaway7844 · 1 day

How about her using the clit vibe while you penetrate her from behind? That would provide deep penetration plus clitoral stimulation she could control.

69 seems a low-percentage play. Certainly it's fun and you should absolutely do it, but a lot of women seem to have trouble concentrating on their own sensations when giving and receiving at once.

lifeaftersex · 1 day

Huh. It's strange. Reading something of a "success story" (even if you're currently cheating, you seem to be successfully finding sex and keeping it separate from your marriage) turns me off the idea more than all the disasters. When I consider the realities of the situation-- finding a FWB would be a nightmare in and of itself, keeping emotions separate, not feeling guilty, not being destroyed by the thought of my wife with another man-- I realize this really, really isn't for me. Thanks for the considered, detailed reply!

XxmsmaliciousxX · 1 day

Do you know if he's into anal play at all? My wife and I took the mojoupgrade quiz a few months back, and she began fingering me during blowjobs, which is awesome. I don't even have a particularly sensitive prostate and it has me gasping.

lifeaftersex

TROPHY CASE

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