I usually wonder if I am inevitable. I know I exist, and since I exist does that actually mean that I am (or was) inevitable? If I am not in fact inevitable, what am I?

Basically I wonder why I personally exist as myself, rather than some other self living the same life. Doesn't the fact that I personally exist rather than some other perceiver living in my life mean something about me as an inevitable existence?

I guess I just wonder what specifically brought me specifically to life. I tend to think that the primary origin of my being is in the future rather than the past. I think of life as a container that reached about potential life forms and picked up around me with life to allow me to remember myself and what made me myself. I guess I see myself as what I ultimately become, and I see my life as a remembering process, since it feels better to remember ones ultimate self having forgotten, rather than existing eternally without unconsciousness. I like to think I can and will achieve Godhood and far beyond it in my lifespan, or at least I like to play that card with "God" and see what comes of it :)