My best friend had sex with a girl that I have feelings for. I feel like crawling into a hole and dying. RA can you please work your magic...

justincasethrowaway1 · 3 days

Here is what I tell my children when they say "I missed this opportunity at school...no one picked me, and I didn't raise my hand." Opportunities are NOT handed out, you must take them. You must put forth effort and go after them. Sometimes, it works out well you get what you were after...sometimes, things go to shit and it doesn't. Oh well. Either way you tried. Also, either way you CANNOT bitch that the opportunity wasn't handed to you. Seriously, don't whine about how shitty your life is because things aren't handed to you, it's shitty because YOU are making it shitty by not DOING anything.

So, you like this girl...awesome! Next time you see her, make a move. It's not too late for that. Go hang out with your boy and have a vacation and shit, have fun...snag a couple opportunities while you're away, or watch him and learn from him-he seems to know how to do this. Then, when you get back you can let this chick know that you dig her...

She probably got tired of waiting on your timid ass and was all "oh look a boy who pays attention to me, let's do this thing." Seriously...girls aren't weird, we're a lot like you.

Try again, you get more than one chance sometimes...that's an opportunity, btw--so take it.

mimblie · 8 days

Why do you care what he believes? Just move on...ignore it. If you didn't do it, then you didn't do it. If he thinks you did, well, fine--whatever. you didn't, you know you didn't. He's going to believe whatever makes him feel better, so just let him have that and you move on. This won't matter in 6 months.

Donboy2k · 8 days

too immature. Don't do that, you'll look like a douchebag frat boy in the end. You're just looking for revenge. If you really "just want[ed] to let her know.." you'd just email her and tell her. You want some sort of revenge on her, and that's not good.

Also, if you know her password because she gave it to you, that's like using a key to get into a friend's house...if they gave you the key, you can use it. It's not illegal. And you probably feel bad because you learned things that you don't like. I say drop it and move on. You know what type of person she is, now...so just use that to your advantage by learning from this relationship and move on.

rejectedandguilty · 8 days

You know this isn't how people should treat one another. You also know that this isn't how relationships work. You WANT your relationship to work, so you're trying to fit it into your perspective, but it's just not working, is it? That's because this is NOT a healthy relationship--and you know, deep down, that it never will be.

It's ok to gather yourself and your belongings and go forward in your life, and leave him behind. This is a lesson for you to learn from. Learn that you are NOT a sinner and a wretched person, you were victimized and blamed and 'gaslighted' (google that, you'll find so much relief and happiness). Please, go better yourself, away from this horrible mass of wasted space. Do not worry about him, he has a mother, you have no obligations to him. Your only obligations are to yourself--keep yourself healthy and happy and you can help others, but not util you help yourself first. Good luck to you.

thehardestthing · 8 days

thirded! Have someone read it for you, then tell you if you should read it or not. At least you'll have support there while you DO read it, if it comes to that.

amybexx93 · 8 days

Get a new boyfriend. The minute I had to talk to my BF's MOTHER to make plans with him would be the minute I broke up with him.

Seriously, this is ridiculous behavior...clearly he isn't that into you. Move on. It sucks, but he sucks and is a waste of time and energy...he certainly doesn't sound like a very good boyfriend.

ETA: Think about it...if he was a good boyfriend, you wouldn't be on the INTERNET asking how to GET HIM to respect you. He doesn't respect you, you clearly know and understand this. Have some self-respect and tell him to get bent.

nowayhosey · 8 days

It's ceremony (no i) and why in the world were you going to her graduation? What is up with all these young adults clinging to their exes? I don't get it. Break up with someone and move on...why do you think you have to be friends with these people? What are you trying to prove?

No, really, I don't understand why I see so many posts where people are trying to remain friends with their exes and then being shocked when it goes wrong...You don't HAVE to talk to these people, fuck 'em...go do things, ignore them...

merrythoughts · 8 days

No, you've just said words at him. You have to DO something. What the OP here means is you need to STOP TALKING TO HIM, AT ALL. If I were your new SO, I'd be a little irritated that you were still wasting time with your ex. Didn't you divorce him because he was an emotional drain? then why bother with him?

Explain to your ex that you have a new life now, and you wish him all the best, but you can no longer be his support system. And that's it, you're done, stop talking to him. You're going to fuck up your new relationship if you're not careful here.

boost1k · 8 days

ITA in decatur/oakhurst is GREAT, I love Brian and he never tries to up-sell me anything i don't honestly NEED. He'll even say "This is probably going to be a problem soon, but if you don't notice (x) then don't worry about it...bring it in when you do notice it though and we'll fix it."

I also went to Robert Jordan on Dekalb Ave, next to the Moreland interchange and the Inman park marta station...I just got my emissions done there, but they were SUPER nice and I really liked them, so I'd try them, since you're in L5P--they're right there.

label_free · 8 days

HAH! I moved out, but only 1.5mi down the road from her. It wasn't until I moved 7mi away and she flipped her shit because she no longer had the super-tight grip of control over me that she had had my entire life, that I finally realized something was horribly wrong. I never thought my mother had any problems--I thought they were all me. I was 29 before I realized any of this...

It wasn't until she conspired with my soon-to-be-ex husband to steal my children from me and leave me destitute that I realized she was toxic as all fuck and i HAD to get away from her. 4 years, a LOT of therapy later and I'm finally recovering from everything and working on getting my children back...but not until she ended up turning on my ex and suing he and BOTH for custody of our children (she dismissed her case, as it was completely frivolous--but not before my ex and I spent about $6k each for attorneys).

So, yeah...your dad...he has a problem, maybe you don't think he has a disorder, but if he's gaslighting you he's doing it because of some neurosis and guess what's more contagious than anything else? Neurosis. Get out, go do your own thing ASAP. Be very careful of what you believe. My best advice for you in your situation: DO NOT EVER SECOND-GUESS YOUR INTUITION. EVER. Seriously, if something doesn't feel feel right and someone is trying to convince you otherwise...YOU ARE PROBABLY RIGHT...ALWAYS LOOK OUT FOR YOUR BEST INTEREST.

Those are the hardest things to do when you've been raised by toxic people...I am so very sorry that you have to deal with this, too :(

label_free · 9 days

I was labelled as 'manic depressive' back when I was 21. I had 'major clinical depression' at 12, and my mother decided about 4 years ago that I had BPD. The truth of the matter: I was none of those things. Even after years on Prozac (which led me to become manic--hence the bi-polar/manic depression diag) and then finally on Wellbutrin, I quit cold turkey, all the meds, and starting critically thinking about my situation. The conclusion that I (and subsequently 2 therapists) have come to is that my mother suffers from mental instability (narcissism, possibly BPD, but narcissists show the same symptoms as BPD, so it's hard to diagnose). Gaslighting is putting what my mother did to me and my sister VERY lightly. To this day I am EXTRA sensitive when people try and manipulate me in ANY way. I can spot it from a mile off, and I don't allow it. It makes handling a LOT of conflict VERY difficult, because the other party can basically, NEVER get their way if they're trying to manipulate the situation rather than rationally/logically/reasonably deal with the issue at hand. TBH, I don't effin' care that people hate having conflict with me because of this. I demand fairness and honesty, if I don't get it, that's fine, I'll go somewhere else.

As to how to deal with your dad? I would read 'Toxic Parents' and any other books on living/dealing with narcissistic/BPD parents. I bet you find your diagnosis fits your father WAY BETTER than it fits you. This whole subject matter makes me so angry, still :(

Huge hugs to you and good luck!! Make sure you talk to outside people about your dad and how he treats you, you need as much perspective as possible.

braelin_mithrilae · 9 days

As someone who took back and made a relationship work after cheating...you do NOT take this man back, you dump him and move on. He cheated on you and he cheated with someone in a relationship...neither of those people understand boundaries or how to stay within them. You go far, far away from this person and learn to be with people who understand and respect boundaries. I'm sorry, but he's a lost cause--incapable of being in a mature, respectful relationship.

exsqueeze_me · 12 days

I kinda find it funny that if a woman is sexual it's typically said that she's being taken advantage of. You know, if she were nurtured properly as a child she wouldn't seek attention/affirmation based on her physicality. But really...what if I just enjoy feeling/looking sexy? I mean, I LOVE wearing short shorts and a low cut shirt...I don't give a flying flip who looks at me, whatever. I'm a VERY smart, ambitious woman who has a job in a male dominated field, but on the weekends, sometimes I want to go to dinner in short shorts and a tank top, showing off my muscles and tan. How does this make me a broken woman? It doesn't. HOWEVER, I personally don't want to post naked/sexy pics to the Internet--I have my limits. shrugs

If women want to show other women that they're finally comfortable in their own skin, then cool...wanna show the whole internet? awesome. Whatever.

That is the ultimate beauty of feminism--we get that choice. We can be demure and pretty AND have opinions--we don't have to pick one, we can pick BOTH.

As HUMANS, we are aesthetic creatures, we like things that are pleasing to the senses--even the eyes. So what? Who's to say that's wrong? It's perfectly natural. And if a chick wants to participate in that, she's well within her rights as a HUMAN to do so.

Look, men shouldn't expect us to be sexual for them but WE, as women, shouldn't expect us to NOT be sexual in spite of men/society. Do what you want. And if you don't like showing skin, then don't show skin...and don't judge someone who does--it's up to her, it's HER body and HER life and HER decision. No one is a bad person, or a broken woman if she isn't comfortable in her own skin just like no one is broken or bad just because they like sex, like showing their body off, or are comfortable in their own skin.

This is the ONE thing about feminism/women that really irritates me. We're not suppose to be overly sexual--just enough...it's silly. We should all have a choice and just because you want to be sexual certainly doesn't mean you're broken in some way.

To the OP: If it somehow makes you uncomfortable to see these posts, maybe you should explore that feeling and find out why you feel that way, and see if you can learn something from it. That's what we all should do when we encounter something that gives us a feeling we can't quite understand--learn the understanding of it.

timta · 13 days

It's trust, it's built up over time with a LOT of blood, sweat, and tears....then it can be torn down with a light breeze. The only thing you can really do is just prove that you have nothing to hide. Tell her the passcode and allow her to look at the phone WITHOUT GETTING UPSET. that's the key right there...remain calm and loving, help her work through it. It IS puzzling, but it's human emotions--they're some fucked shit, yo.

My SO and I both lock our phones and we both know the codes for each...although his is a pattern lock and I forget it all the time, but I'll ask him to put it in for me so I can snoop on his phone in front of him...he knows that I'll find nothing so he just giggles with me while I look around, and then I forget about it for the next 6-9 months, or until we're bored in a restaurant again.

12345throw12345 · 14 days

It's HIS baptism, they are YOUR family--they get no say in the matter. They are NOT HIS family, so no, they do NOT have ANY RIGHT to be there at HIS baptism. You seriously need to start drawing boundaries and enforcing them now. Trust me on this...if you end up with an over-bearing set of parents that you and your husband have to deal with while working on a marriage--you're both going to end up resenting each other and your parents.

They are grown, your parents (and subsequent family) will learn to get over it. They do not own you in any way, you are grown and able to make your own decisions. And they CERTAINLY DO NOT OWN your fiance.

This is HIS choice. You tell your parents "Sorry, you are not his family, you are not invited, this is a private ceremony for he and I. Good night." and that's that. You don't have to discuss anything else about it. Are they expecting to be with you two on your wedding night, too?

I'm dead serious when I say to enforce your boundaries...like it's life or death--or it will be the death of your marriage..I promise.

Kasey12OoO · 14 days

Wow, he sounds like a royal prick. If my SO ever told me that the things I knitted would never be used and why was I even bothering, I'd probably kick him in the nuts and throw him out of the house. That's seriously an asshole thing to say...I'm sorry to say that, but seriously--that's not loving or supportive in the LEAST, that's a shitty, shitty thing to say someone, ESPECIALLY the person you supposedly love more than anything on this Earth. i think you need to re-evaluate a few things in your life. :( Good luck!

throwawaygirl444444 · 14 days

You're going to have to tell him IN THE MOMENT. So, as shitty as it is, while you're snotty and crying and upset about something and he's blinking at you and really wanting you to STFU and let him go back to Skyrim, you're going to have to say "This is where I need you to hug me and tell me things will be ok, please."

And that's weird and feels stupid and you'll probably be a bit pissed that you have to actually SAY THAT to a grown-ass (close enough) man while you're snotty and crying and CLEARLY UPSET...but he probably just doesn't know. Unless you have a nice, close, emotionally stable home life, you don't understand that emotional shit that comes with relationships--video games are much easier. So, yeah...you just have to show him a few times, and he'll understand how it works after you keep pointing it out. And it's sucky for you at first, but then there will be that day that you're just so exhausted and upset and you can't tell him anything and fuck him and omg where's the gin, fuck this day and all it stands for--and he'll come up and hug you and kiss you on the head and you'll be all "goddammit, he's the sweetest motherfucker....today ain't all that bad."

Kasey12OoO · 14 days

Ok, don't call it 'shit' but you get my point...if he doesn't want to compromise, then you don't have to either...you have your own opinions and desires, and it's perfectly acceptable and EXPECTED.

Kasey12OoO · 14 days

well that's not compromising in the LEAST. That's call DICTATING. So, I say you tell him you don't want to watch his shit, and you go knit or play a video game by yourself. Why are you forced to sit and watch TV with him? Go do something else...just because you're married doesn't mean you two have to do EVERYTHING together--go do your own thing.

ra_throwaway4482 · 14 days

http://www.softpaws.com/about.html // You'll need that--those things are GREAT.

chris4aker · 14 days

Check out Decatur and L5P along with EAV (East Atlanta Village). Midtown is a decent bet, but if you want other options, and to be closer to Emory, definitely go and poke around Decatur. I lived in L5P for 2 years and have now been in Decatur for almost 2 years...I really like both areas A LOT and they're pretty close to one another. L5P has Criminal Records for all your records/dvds/comic book needs, and Decatur has really great restaurants and Smith's has good music. Decatur is more family-oriented than say L5P or midtown, but it's far from sketchy and while they do push a lot of SUV strollers around here, a lot of them do it with a nice import in their hand.

sexlikethemantis · 15 days

If you're both in agreement and want to do it, what do you care what others think? I say if you're both OK with the agreement and feel it would be good for you both, then do it. It doesn't sound like that either one of you like sex very much, and that's JUST FINE. You don't have to like sex...I mean, I think sex is great...but I HATE mushrooms, and LOTS of people think mushrooms are pretty dang swell...but I'm not weird because I don't enjoy them, you know?

Do what feels right for YOU and your wife and don't worry about other people--just go be happy however that is for you both. :)

proposit · 15 days

I had a "boyfriend" like this once. When I finally said "Screw this, I want more out of life than what you're giving." and took off for greener pastures, he realized that he loved me and wanted me back. I explained that the only way to come back was to be a COUPLE an honest, open, COMMITTED couple. We've been living together for 2 years, together as a couple for 4.

Men are not so special that they don't have feelings and can't care for someone. They will also treat you how you allow them to treat you. If you want more, say so. If he doesn't deliver, take off and find someone who WILL give you more. It's very simple. "needy and selfish" are words to keep you in line, or in 'your place'--fuck those words, tell that dude what you want, own it, flaunt it and advocate for yourself. What makes him so special that your needs aren't as important as his? nothing!

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