So I was about to come out to my dad...

CorinOrion · 2012-05-24T07:16:47.916573+00:00

I have a few quips starting from about a year before I admitted to myself:

The first one was when I first met my ex-boyfriend, I was sitting in the foyer at his hair salon talking to a mutual friend of ours. It was hot outside so I was wearing cut-off shorts and t-shirt. He looked me up and down and said "You're awfully hairy for a woman". And he was right! :)

A few months later I was driving my roommate somewhere and he asked me why I always keep my legs together when I'm driving and I told him because I'm short it's easier to reach the peddles. He asked "Isn't it uncomfortable, you know, with your junk?" and I jokingly replied "No, I'm a woman." to which he started laughing and said "SHE ADMITS IT!"

The last one (and my favorite), about 3 weeks before I really started thinking about transition. I was at my gay chorus rehearsal on break chatting with some folks wearing these glasses on my head, one guy joked "those are the gayest glasses I've ever seen." to which I replied joking "OMG, I'm gay!?" he said with a straight face "No, honey, those glasses are gay, you're a straight woman." :D

That last one was what really started me exploring my gender identity. :)

RNAscientist · 2012-05-24T06:30:26.498807+00:00

I'm still not seeing it but thanks, I'll keep looking. :)

If I can't find it I may just upload a copy myself, with proper accreditation, of course. :)

RNAscientist · 2012-05-24T06:16:35.383520+00:00

Maybe I'm not looking in the right place but I can't find it anywhere on his page. I wanted to share it.

NateSoli · 2012-05-24T05:43:39.984640+00:00

Hehe, 39 was my first coming out (bi/gay), I'm older than that now. :P I came out as trans a few week ago to my sister, almost 3 years later (I still have 5 1/2 weeks 'til I'm 42!).

When I was 22 I couldn't imagine life beyond 25, so from that perspective I'm old. ish. :P But, no, we're not old, in some ways life is just starting and I'm excited about it, which is weird and unfamiliar. :)

Pacalakin · 2012-05-24T05:21:47.931158+00:00

One would hope familiarity will bring acceptance, sadly tough...

amorexmio · 2012-05-24T05:08:56.355568+00:00

You are a good friend. :)

Nykonykes · 2012-05-24T05:04:18.816696+00:00

I love reading stories like this. :)

I hope it goes that well with the rest of your family!

TheArchMage · 2012-05-24T05:00:42.568882+00:00

Awesome! Good luck! :D

NateSoli · 2012-05-24T04:38:38.905440+00:00

With regards to counseling at your church, this is some of what the APA has to say about therapy WRT sexual orientation. It might give you some ideas about how to respond to your parent's insistence.

I am in an entirely different place in life than you are (I'm old, came out at 39) but I can tell you first hand that trying to suppress or deny your orientation can lead to clinical depression up to and including attempted suicide. That might be a little over the top if your parents are just now trying to get used to it, but they should be aware that trying to "fix" your sexuality will have real and tangible negative consequences.

drewiepoodle · 2012-05-23T20:21:07.041047+00:00

I grew up going to a variety of churches. My dad was a Southern Baptist minister 'til he got kicked out for divorcing my mom and marrying my step-mom who was Catholic. My mom went crazy religious and started going to Pentecostal churches after their divorce. Sunday school, Vacation Bible School and AWANA (a particularly insidious and vile church indoctrination program for kids) were regular fixtures of my childhood. I never felt any direct self-hate or guilt because any one church told me I was not right, I just felt incredible shame for never being able to be 'normal' as defined by any of the churches (or any of the other people in my life) and thus started a lifetime of denial and self-destructive behavior because I figured I was broken no matter what I did and I felt my only relief was to dull the pain with drugs and alcohol.

drewiepoodle · 1 day

It's interesting to me that the most extreme homophobes seem to be Baptists... it's like a 'Hate the gays' cult.

Jess_than_three · 1 day

Hehe, a win is a win. :)

Casey234 · 1 day

So much misinformation and casual transphobia even from some who are supportive.

tridentloop · 1 day

I realized that if transsexuals are given protection from discrimination and equal opportunity under the law, the law will have just indirectly sanctioned their sex change.

A sex change will not be an implicit right I don’t believe, but I am nearly sure (and correct me if you think I am wrong) that before the ink is dry on transsexuals having equal rights, a suit will be filed for the sex change to be covered by insurance, Medicare, or someone other than the person wanting the change.

Slippery slope, otherwise known as "If you give a mouse a cookie..."

someone feels they were given incorrect DNA.

Several issues with this phrase:

Contrary to popular belief, DNA does not determine physical sex. There are several stages of sex differentiation in the womb and how the embryo/fetus grows is in response to the particular hormones present in the womb during those different stages... either XX or XY offspring will respond the same way in the presence of the same hormones. What sometimes happens (about 1 time out of 100) is that the different stages of sex differentiation don't all go the same direction. So, it's not just a feeling of being given incorrect DNA, it's a mismatch between neurological and physiological sex. And, really, what if it were just a feeling? Depression is just a feeling and billions of dollars are spent on it's treatment by both public and private insurance.

Jayross · 1 day

Dominion300 · 2 days

Sometimes I get strange looks when I wear nail polish but more often than not it's either ignored or sometimes I get compliments from women about the pretty color. Never has a man commented on my nail polish unless I asked his opinion. :)

edit: grammar fail

Rachel_Steps_Out · 2 days

I got this response:

Thank you so much for taking the time to write. We certainly did not mean to offend anyone. We will review the language in the piece.

Thanks,

[redacted]

haywire · 3 days

There is of course some overlap, as in all things biological, but as explained in that video it is generally about twice the size in men as in women and it is typically a reliable indicator of gender in postmortem autopsies.

Tykotylerf · 3 days

I can't say anything about other people's experiences, but for me it is not a conscious act. When I was in denial I realized I'm fairly effeminate so I tried to masculinize my voice and mannerisms with varying degrees of success. I recently learned from a woman (and it was confirmed by a few others) that a possible reason I frequently get gendered as female from behind (excuse me ma'am, can I help you, miss?) is because I move like a woman which was a bit of a surprise to me. :)

light_stage · 3 days

Nah, that's cool, be whatever you want to and ignore the haters. I had similar issues before I explored my sexuality, but I was in denial to myself. I married my best friend and lost my virginity to her when I was 23. Sexually we were okay for the first year but then I started not to be able to get it up for her which was a big problem for us because we were trying to start a family, and for her, personally, it was very upsetting because it made her feel like I didn't love her anymore, and I felt guilty and inadequate... just bad all around. I knew it still worked because I could masturbate so I just figured I had a low libido and we ended up having sex maybe once every 3 months when I could get aroused. By some bit of luck she did get pregnant, eventually, and that was the best thing to ever happen, ever. But this pattern of once every few months lasted for all 8 years of our marriage. Then a couple of years after we divorced I started dating another female friend but had the same issues with sex, we were together for 3 years until she broke up with me because she thought I was gay. I was entirely celibate for a couple more years and I thought to myself, hm, maybe I am gay. So I started hanging out at gay bars, waiting for someone to hit on me. Finally someone did so I had my first hook up with a guy and it was fun, but... not all I had expected because I had no emotions for him, and in general I like making out with women more than men. Women have breasts, which I love, and no stubble. :)

I hooked up with both girls and guys a few more times with the same result... it was not fulfilling because there was no romance. But eventually through a mutual friend (not at a bar) I met a man who swept me off my feet, we were a couple for about 6 months and I felt I was experiencing what real romantic love feels like for the first time. It took me about 40 years to figure this out. And I still prefer making out with women, but I enjoy it with guys too and I love a nice confident man to take charge and... well. I guess the point I'm trying to make is, don't be in a rush to label yourself and don't force yourself, just do what comes naturally, don't limit yourself and be open minded. :)

Palhinuk · 3 days

I'm sure he's trying to convince himself as much as anyone else. It's unfortunate but it's best he's out of your life.

kovalevskaya · 3 days

:) Fantastic!

Palhinuk · 3 days

Well done! I really hate when people say "some of my best friends are..." yeah, they're not your best friends.

Rachel_Steps_Out · 3 days

I wrote an email to the editor for the site (address via the 'contact us' link) asking for that part to be edited to remove that language.

Hi, [name redacted],

I am writing to tell you that I was disturbed by something in the "10 Reasons We Love Richmond" article by Zachary Reid.

In the second item "2. The Fan District" it is described as a "melting pot" where all are welcome so I was surprised that Zachary Reid mentioned transvestites as a possible reason someone would stay away. That's not very welcoming at all and pretty offensive specifically to cross dressers and to transgender people in general as well. I'm sure it was intended as an off hand light-hearted joke but that is exactly the kind of attitude and language that perpetuates false and damaging impressions about trans people who are one of the most, if not the most, marginalized of all minority groups. I'm not looking for an apology or asking for anyone to be reprimanded but I would really appreciate if the article were edited to remove that language.

Thank you for reading,

Jaye.

drewiepoodle · 3 days

Today I would likely be read as male, a year from now, hopefully not. :)

I tweeted about this yesterday.

JayeWithAnE

TROPHY CASE

JayeWithAnE

TROPHY CASE

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