I submit for your approval: r/philadelphiasocialclub.

weekendofsound · 2012-02-07T18:03:19.867131+00:00

Why would a new subreddit that focuses on openness and inclusiveness be a bad thing?

You say that like we're not. We regularly welcome and bring in new people--and by regularly, I mean every week or so we have one or two wandering in. We're always telling more people to come into the IRC. We just also tend to glomp onto them as friends in real life. We're not a group of people who already knew each other. I can think of a bunch of people who've been part of the group for less than three months, but are buddybuddy.

chiuxo · 2012-02-07T17:28:03.457367+00:00

Yeah, that too. I was just thinking about how people immediately go "but then there will be so many lonely men!!". There's nothing wrong with MFF+ at all.

fourthirds · 2012-02-07T17:20:53.899478+00:00

I didn't notice it in Venezia, but then again I was only there for a day and a half, spending the first half grumpily lost dragging my luggage up and down the same goddamned stair bridge seven times. Napoli was pretty bad, that's where the dude with his girlfriend right next to him was making oral gestures and licking his lips at me from across the room, heh.

I'm glad things are great for you! Me too.

JoeCoT · 2012-02-07T16:19:57.073259+00:00

Splat barn!

JoeCoT · 2012-02-07T15:57:52.162640+00:00

RAT BARN.

chiuxo · 2012-02-07T15:57:41.423379+00:00

Haha, yes, forgive me. I'm very underslept today.

JoeCoT · 2012-02-07T15:52:54.457629+00:00

Scat barn.

chiuxo · 2012-02-07T15:45:00.147418+00:00

Is there a particular aspect of the poly lifestyle/ poly relationships you wish more people knew about?

That MMF+ couples and groups exist. A lot of people think it's just men sleeping around, or men and bisexual women. They don't realise that there are also women with multiple male partners, not just a bunch of harems. Hotwives and cuckolds, as well as just MMF triads and more, are fairly common.

Or a false assumption lots of people seem to make, that you wish you could overturn?

Sexual exclusivity doesn't mean love. I don't not love or not like my boyfriend just because I don't care if he has other partners. Commitment is about committing to being with someone, not just about sex. I need love and caring and attention and compatibility, not monogamy, in a partner.

And is there one thing standing in the way of more people coming out?

Societal shame. It's the new gay closet. Even I'm not fully out to my extended family, just to avoid the trouble whilst I can (obviously if I acquire another longterm partner, it would come out). And I get sick of people judging my relationship from the outside in ignorance.

Also, I'm not from the UK, and it wasn't group-style, but my parents had an open marriage (kept very quiet, took a long time to figure out), if you have any questions about what it's like to be a child of poly people.

JoeCoT · 2012-02-07T15:20:55.666181+00:00

Twat barn.

laymedown · 2012-02-07T14:13:05.143580+00:00

Nope. I know lots of girls with high drives. But, hormonal birth control can screw a lot of women up, sometimes even after they stop taking it.

laymedown · 2012-02-07T14:10:44.690086+00:00

I know couples who've been together and open for 25+. Stop reacting on instinct and making blatantly false statements

Please_send_baguette · 2012-02-07T13:59:52.992635+00:00

You can't go back to family or old friends? I have a friend I haven't seen in seven years, and rarely talk to even online, but all it took was a message from her mentioning abuse from her then-relationship and I was folding out the couch even though she lives on the other side of the state. Don't underestimate old ties. Remember who you used to trust, contact them, and let them know what you're going through. I'd bet you're not as alone as you think you are.

PierceHarlan · 2012-02-07T06:40:44.887594+00:00

Not always. In this case, yes, but a lot of the time when you're actually being raped, you're trying to rationalise it away as something else. No one wants to be a rape victim. There are also people who think that because it's their boyfriend, it can't be rape, or because they started fooling around, that even though they said no to sex the yes to making out means it's not really rape. Or people who think that because they froze up and just said no but didn't scream and fight means that it's not really rape.

But this, this is definitely just regret, and being told "Oh, no, that yes wasn't a real yes if you decide it wasn't."

089786 · 2012-02-07T06:35:03.246378+00:00

She hits the man several times in the face FOR NO REASON

Um, she hits him in the face because he broke into her house. And not as an accident, either--he was a fleeing criminal.

There are a lot of examples of men being abused and it's taken lightly, but Tangled isn't one of them, it was genuine and merited self-defense, even before you account for the fact that she's been taught that the world is full of evil people out to get her.

I mean, I agree it had absolutely nothing to do with the fairy tale, but.

089786 · 2012-02-07T06:31:53.122057+00:00

And rape. Don't forget the copious rape.

089786 · 2012-02-07T06:30:03.410885+00:00

He also has plenty of perks. But she only hits him when he's an intruder in her house, not just for fun or revenge.

RosieRose23 · 2012-02-07T06:26:01.944846+00:00

I think that redemption stories (which this essentially is) are actually a good thing to portray and a good thing for kids to see.

Noooooooooo. Even without the Stockholm Syndrome, the biggest problem is it teaches kids that abusers can get better, if you're just nice enough and love them enough. And they don't. Maybe of their own volition an asshole can become a decent person, but no one can ever change their abuser.

evange · 2012-02-07T06:22:30.557255+00:00

Not just enzymes, but the actual lactobacilli is still in raw milk, which is an incredibly good digestive bacteria.

evange · 2012-02-07T06:21:18.190837+00:00

There's a huge difference between standards, and legality. Legal raw milk is held to incredibly high standards, and this is good. Milk being illegal is not.

evange · 2012-02-07T06:17:38.322163+00:00

Oh you've had the wrong raw milk. If it's left to sit in a barn, it acquires barn flavours, but if it's refrigerated right away... omg. Ambrosia.

evange · 2012-02-07T06:14:39.501147+00:00

Raw milk isn't bad for you. It can be, but with today's high standards, illness is very, very rare. Raw dairy is everywhere in Europe.

evange · 2012-02-07T06:11:41.408811+00:00

Not really. It was, back when all cows were kept in filthy conditions without vacuum-sealed milking machines. However, any place now that sells raw milk is held to rigorous standards, and quart for quart, raw milk causes less illness than pasteurized, and on the extremely rare occasion it does, almost never kills anyone.

Most of Europe drinks and eats raw dairy products all the time.

xendrillion · 1 day

I have heard a lot of stories of how open relationships don't tend to work out

Now think about how many stories of monogamous relationship that don't work out you've heard. Most relationships don't work out. Open ones often work just fine. Check out r/polyamory if you want to feel better about it. Mine works out great.

But, speaking as a sexual person to the main topic, if she's not low libido, it matters. It matters A LOT. It's one of the biggest reasons most relationships end. I would never date an asexual, because it's absolutely crucial to my relationships. And a lot of us feel that way about it. And pity sex isn't enough, because it's not just about the act, but the intimacy and shared pleasure.

JoeCoT · 1 day

Yeah well WE GOT THE HAT BARN.

089786 · 1 day

First, I agree with a lot of what you say. A lot of Disney films promote traditional gender roles, though they do get better over time. Now, to nitpick:

So, to have true love, men must go out of their way to please a woman, must spend (presumably) a fortune "proving" that they care, while all the woman does is sit back and be skeptical and freak out every time he does nothing and she expects him to.

That isn't a general song. The guy is having relationship problems, and this is her advice to him. She also doesn't sit back and do nothing, she is all over the traditional gender roles of cooking and cleaning and sewing etc, and sings plenty of love songs for her "love", and then comes through and saves the hero at the end, and opens up her own shop to support herself. The song alone is bad, but in context isn't so.

As for the picture you showed with the princesses, that's also biased. Snow White's also shown to have traditional assets of cleaning and cooking, though that isn't what saves her, to be fair. Sleeping Beauty is spot on--terrible movie for gender roles but goddamn Maleficent is amazing, so I like it anyways. Sleeping Beauty is really way more about the prince and the villain than the damsel. Prince Phillip for the win.

Jasmine is a little more active--she takes control a bit, in distracting Jafar, and at least she does stand up for herself, but she's still in the is-rescued camp, yeah. It's a better balance between traditional, without having the princess be utterly useless. Then again, it's one of the only ones that isn't mostly about the female lead. It's about Aladdin.

The Little Mermaid is just disingenous. She doesn't change her appearance to be more attractive, she does it to be physically capable of being with him. Of course, Prince Erik, while badass at the end of the film, is portrayed as a giant idiot for mistaking shapeshifted Ursula with black hair for the singing redhead who saved him. Yeah, yeah, magic, but come on. They're both obviously young and stupid--she runs away from home for a guy she meets ever so briefly, he gets married on a whim, argh.

Belle's isn't honest either. She's also shown to be very smart and literary, and strictly speaking it's her capability for love, not her sexuality, that saves him--not saved by a kiss a la Snow White or Sleeping Beauty, but the declaraction of love. Don't forget she also saves her father from the Beast, and that had nothing to do with sexuality. That movie is horrible at depicting relationships, though, with a lot of abuse and Stockholm Syndrome. I mean, I love it, but it's not healthy.

Cinderella is also spot on, though. It's easily my least favourite Disney film. She's lame, the prince is lame, the villains are just mean people... it doesn't have much going for it.

This, I think, is a much better way to put it. But older Disney films are just awful for both. Women are trophies to be earned (a huge part of what Jasmine brings up in her film, which is great--she doesn't want nor need gifts and money, she wants honesty and someone who is interested in her as a person rather than a prize; she fell for Aladdin the street rat right at the start).

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