My girl likes to jam a finger or 2 in herself while we have sex. My confidence is crushed. What do?

eyeball_kid · 4 months

If she likes to feel "full" during sex but your penis doesn't provide that sensation then use your fingers/hand/fist/forearm/a big dildo. It's not all about your dick.

Also:

Her ex was hung like a horse and she said shes been loose ever since.

ಠ_ಠ That's not how vaginas work. If you bought that you need to do some reading on how the female body functions. EDIT: and so should she!

pfafulous · 4 months

Does SHE think it's a problem? If not, then it's not a problem. She's had her entire life to learn exactly how her vagina works, and she can instantly adjust her fingers as needed. Sex isn't something one does TO another, it's something one does WITH another.

Most women need more than simple penetrative stimulation to get off. You should feel happy that she's comfortable enough with you to share her pleasure with you. Let her do what she needs to do. The alternative is that she continues to fake it and then takes care of herself later in the shower, out of fear of hurting your feelings.

This is a GOOD thing. Your sexual relationship is evolving and maturing. Embrace it.

Also: anal.

anoxymoron · 4 months

There's a good chance that this has more to do with her recently giving birth than with her ex. Have you suggested that she does kegels to strengthen the muscles again?

Maxxters · 4 months

Where exactly does she stick her fingers? If it's on the front wall of her vagina, it's just her stimulating her g-spot, which isn't always the easiest thing for a penis to do, no matter the size. Do you finger and go down on her during foreplay and get her off with things other than your penis? The vast majority of women can't cum from a penis alone. If she used to be able to cum from your penis and doesn't now, it either just means that her sexual response is changing or (sorry) she was faking it (not your problem or fault if she was... dumb thing to do on her part alone).

In terms of what to do now... does it make you happy to know that she's orgasmed? Does her pleasure excite you? Don't you realize that if your penis wasn't in her, she wouldn't be able to cum from what she's doing with her fingers alone? Try to look at it from that light. You're still providing her with a tonne of pleasure. Take joy and comfort in that pleasure as opposed to being hurt that you can't do it with your penis alone. This just puts you in the same camp as everyone else.

If it seriously is just a matter of her wanting to feel fuller, a fantastic option is for her to wear a butt plug during sex. It stretches the back wall of the vagina inward, so when you put your penis in, it can be incredibly tight. She may not want to continue using her fingers then. Another option is to buy a toy like the we vibe which would probably be doing a similar thing as her fingers, but may be a little less of a blow to your ego since it's just a really great toy that tonnnnnnes of people are using now that feels good for both of you.

[deleted] · 4 months

This in my mind is a similar situation to men who feel emasculated when toys are brought into the bedroom. Why do you feel bad? Your partner is having more fun when she adds her fingers to sex. If you talked to her I bet she would says that a giant dildo (the size of you plus her fingers) would not give her the same satisfaction, the reason being because you are an integral part of sex. The emotional connection is the most important part, but now that you have provided it she is filling in the little details and using her fingers so that she can have the best experience possible. You still the most integral part and have nothing to feel bad about.

tl;dr. She is having sex with YOU, YOU are the most integral part. Her fingers are just the icing on the cake for her.

kittychii · 4 months

My ex used to smack my hand away when I started to play with my clit. That pissed me off because I was only trying to get the best feeling possible out of sex. All that said to me was he was a control freak which was an instant mood killer. Get over yourself man, it's the smallest deal in the world. Would you rather have her cum or not? if not, keep on doing what you're doing. If you actually want her to get off, then just let her do what feels good. It's not all about you. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but it's true. Also, tell her to google kegel exercises, that will tighten her right up

AlanYx · 4 months

You don't know that she wouldn't have eventually started to do this with her ex as well, so there's no reason to feel that this is related to you. Some women are just really into being stretched during sex.

My advice is to try fisting if you're not already doing it. Women who like the feeling of being stretched usually really get into fisting. Also, you might consider a We-vibe type vibrator, which goes inside her while you're having sex.

[deleted] · 4 months

My bf is big but we still use the we vibe and another similar toy from time to time because... it feels good man.

Don't take it personal. Sex should be fun. You have a girl that likes to experiment. WITH YOU! That's awesome.

bmercer215 · 4 months

Anal.. Seriously you'll feel bigger to her and when you go back to the vagina it'll be more of a treat. Win win.

acravotta · 4 months

Dude, this self-confidence issue is incredibly conceited and vain. You should not be taking it personally! This is just what she has to do to get off. You should be happy that she can cum with you at all; lots of women can't cum during sex no matter what they do. The fact that she works hard to be intimate and enjoy herself with you should be flattering. Sometimes just a dick doesn't do the job, but that's not your fault.

funfungiguy · 4 months

You've mentioned here that some of this might boil down to penis envy, in regards to her ex's giant dick. There's nothing you can do about the size of her ex's dick, so you're really just tearing yourself up over something you can't control regarding the past.

You also have no control over the junk you were born with. Even if we assume that you have a tiny dick, worrying about it is just going to fuck up the sex even more. Women on here and other subReddits have often said they have had no problems with sex with a smaller man if he fucks confidently.

Regarding faking orgasms, I have no idea how often my wife fakes it. I am realist enough to assume that it's unlikely I get her off as frequently as she plays like I do, and have to assume at least sometimes she's faking it at least once in a while. Sometimes I know she isn't; other times I wonder, but really as long as it's convincable enough that I only wonder, I don't care. Assuming that she fakes it once in a while doesn't bother me. If it's so phony as to make me know she's faking it, it's does become a huge turn off for me. Not because I feel inadequate, but because you're questioning my intelligence. It's like saying "Oh you're SO big!" I'm well aware that I'm completely the national average in all aspects down there, don't insult me with that bullshit.

You on the other hand, seem bothered by faking it because you're not getting her off everytime. I don't think that a guy is gonna hit the nail on the head every single time, and I don't think you should take it too hard when you don't.

If it's bothering you that she's using extra fingers to get off, then she has a couple options:

One option is not using her fingers and not getting off to protect your ego, possibly faking and orgasm, again, to protect your ego; which is going to fuck up your ego even more in the long run.

Or she can use her fingers, get off, you get off, and you roll off each other happy that you got off together. If your focused on this idea that your shitty in the sack unless you can get a chick off with your penis alone, your beating yourself up and you're probably missing some of the bigger pictures regarding how nice sex can be if you help each other and allow each other to help themselves.

As I said, I like most guys, have definitely measured my equipment and am exactly average sized in all the dimentions. My wife's vibrator is definitely bigger. I'm not jealous of the vibrator, and I don't feel any inadequacy when she pulls it out and wants to add that to the pile of asses and elbows we're working on at the time. If she want's some extra fill, I can feel hurt and say no and neither of us are going to have much fun, or I can say, "sure, hand it over" or "you use it; you know where you want it right now better that I do", and she's having fun, and I'm still having fun, and I'm having more fun knowing she's having more fun.

TL;DR: You can't really fuck anything up if you let her do what helps. You can both have a really good time. Worrying about it is going to lead to less fun for you both. Just go with it and pay attention to the fun you're both having.

54z · 4 months

Personally, I'd be happy to watch my gf having an orgasm while fucking, whatever it takes. If I were you, I'd learn how to deal with it. What are you going to do, ask her to not cum anymore? There will always be guys with bigger cocks than you, and odds are, many (most?) of us have had better sex with someone other than our current partner, or will in the future.

I'd learn to develop your other sexual skills. It's not all about the cock.

briesa37 · 4 months

Get over it.

ahatmadeofshoes12 · 4 months

Get her a set of Kegel Exercisors to help her strengthen her vaginal muscles. This will bring muscle tone back to her vagina and make it feel more "tight". Its also really good for her health and it will ward off urinary incontinence later in life. The Lelo Luna Beads are my pick for a good Kegel Exercisor. They allow you to adjust the weight of the balls so you can work up in weight as you get stronger. Have her wear them whenever she is standing or walking for long periods of time. They don't do much if you are sitting but while walking they subconsciously cause you to contract your muscles around them to hold them in. I used the heaviest set once to walk for a solid 20 minutes (then I sat down for 20) and then walked another straight 20 minutes and my muscles were actually sore! Its a really good way to increase pelvic floor muscle tone and its great for your overall health. As a bonus having strong pelvic floor/vaginal muscles strengthens your orgasm too!

calculuzz · 4 months

Put on 100 condoms.

stinkypyper · 4 months

Her ex was hung like a horse and she said shes been loose ever since. my confidence is crushed

She could have been a lot more tactful in telling you this. Had this been a girl posting about her boyfriend saying her vagina was too large to make him cum and saying his exes were tighter, then everyone would probably be telling her to dump him. She needs to be a lot more respectful of your feelings.

karibear909 · 4 months

How often do you two have sex? Perhaps you guys should take week or two off from having sex and have her do kegels to tighten the muscles back up. I know if I go a week or two it becomes almost as tight as I was when I was a virgin 10 years ago. Her being loose is not a result of her ex boyfriends large cock, so move on from that and just work on seeing if she can get tight again doing kegels.

Neurogenetic · 4 months

I like to jam a finger or two in my girlfriend when we have sex. She says it feels like tentacles. Hooray for girls that love hentai.

drummajoraboard · 4 months

You should be happier that she knows how to make things feel better and how to get to orgasming. A lot of women don't.

nicebumluv · 4 months

I agree with what others are saying. It's not your fault she's loose, and it's not her fault either. Be glad that she's making things work anyway by inserting her fingers, rather than just giving up on sex entirely like some women do when they can't get off. I saw that you said you have a kid. That probably has more to do with it than her ex having a large penis, as having a child will stretch and tear the vagina more than just a penis (unless she had a c-section or something). Maybe you could suggest her to do kegel exercises, as they strengthen the vagina muscles and could help.

Marko343 · 4 months

Try and keep her legs together during sex. Should put more pressure vaginal walls so she gets more sensation from each thrust. Either both you laying down sideways with her, or with her on back kind of hold her legs together over one of your shoulders.

omghi2000 · 4 months

It means she knows what she likes and your luckier than you think

TruthinessHurts · 4 months

What does this have to do with you? If that's what it take for her to get off then let her do it and enjoy your sex together.

Beccatheamazing · 4 months

Why don't you try a position where you can put your fingers inside her while you have sex? Try doggie or spooning. Or invest in a medium sized rubber dildo, she might love the sensation of her pussy being filled up by you and the toy. Have her hold it so she controls how deep it goes and how hard she thrusts with it, then once she's comfortable, you control it too. I was hesitant about trying either of those things until my fwb suggested it, and I've grown to love it. It shouldn't make you any less confident, it's just what she prefers. Maybe she needs a finger to hit her g-spot cause whatever angle you're at isn't.

[deleted] · 4 months

My boyfriend has done this. Should I feel crushed? O.O

finewinereview · 4 months

WIDE SET VAGINA

katesrepublic · 4 months

I don't know if this is what she's doing, but I know sometimes I like to put my fingers down there and then feel my boyfriend going in and out, and it just feels really sexy. It's not about extra "girth", I just enjoy the feel of it.

cosbabee · 4 months

I've had two kids an have always been told that my pussy is so tight during sex....everybody and every woman is different. Definitely try having her lie on her back an cross her legs over one shoulder, it will feel amazingly tighter.

n1nj4_v5_p1r4t3 · 4 months

do you ever masturbate? you do it with out her? she does it with you. you should feel lucky to have someone to share that with.

Kitty-Kicker · 4 months

Lack of self-confidence is very unattractive, even if how she worded things was completely tactless and thoughtless. I personally physically feel that it doesn't matter the size of the penis, but instead the skill and attentiveness of the lover. Every person is different in what gets them off. Try new things and enjoy each other. Keep the ex's name completely out of both of your lives. It's really about an intimate connection between you two.

Pin_Prick · 4 months

[deleted]

ericmm76 · 4 months

Hi, I'm single.

Suck it up!

youAreThirstyNow · 4 months

This will get downvotes for sure but nonetheless... Get ready to be dumped or to be nudged by her into dumping her.

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