Is sex really necessary?

elasto · 3 months

If sex is a definite 'yes' for her and a definite 'no' for you, this relationship will not work out. You are better off being friends.

blackberrydoughnuts · 3 months

Have you told her you're asexual and you'd rather avoid it if you can? And that you'd rather not let her have sex with anyone else either? You really need to talk with her about this, as soon as possible.

For the 99% of people who aren't asexual, sex is pretty much crucial in a relationship.

Are you familiar with AVEN (asexuality.org)? It's a discussion forum and there are a lot of people in "mixed" (asexual-sexual) marriages. It's pretty difficult.

PenisChrist · 3 months

If your gf is like most people, then sex is crucial to the relationship. Especially if she's moved beyond the point in life where "puppy dog" romance is enough to keep her happy.

That isn't a slight against you...you'll just need to find someone else who feels like you about this topic. Otherwise, I definitely foresee problems.

AMerrickanGirl · 3 months

Just curious ... do you get erections and/or masturbate? If not, could you possibly have low testosterone?

Gregoric399 · 3 months

Although there are other equally important components to a stable and happy relationship - sex is a big deal as is sexual compatability.

You have a couple of options:

You explain to her that sex is perhaps abit alien for you and you try to just go with it - let her see if she can get a sexual reaction out of you. Communication, however, will be key - explain to her that it might not work - explain to her that if nothing happens then its not her fault and you don't think any less of her whatever happens.
You have a somewhat open relationship - this, however, is difficult and might not work for you and things might get a little bit messy.
You break it off or remain close friends until you work out your sexual needs and desires.

I would go with option 1 followed by option 3 if the former doesn't work. Sex is a pleasurable thing and it could be for you as well. Perhaps you just need a little encouragement.

Ameerrante · 3 months

I will admit that the whole 'asexual' thing really boggles my mind, but if you are asexual, does this not mean that you are never sexually aroused? Wouldn't that then mean that you are unable to get an erection? Wouldn't this then mean that you would be physically unable to have intercourse with her? (Just talking about standard stuff here, no kink.)

pikachupikachu · 3 months

Short answer: yes.

Long answer: yes.

bw2002 · 3 months

Asexuality is debated and at 18 I doubt you really know.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypoactive_sexual_desire_disorder

It's not fair for her to be without sex, which is a basic human need.

l4n · 3 months

To those that need it, it's essential. Please tell her you're asexual, and are not going to change.

Dark1000 · 3 months

It is for me, and it's probably one for her, especially at 18. You have to tackle this head on because it really is important for a relationship to be on the same page about things. If there's no sexual compatibility, there are going to be problems.

Sleipnoir · 3 months

My friend is asexual, dating a heterosexual male for a couple of years. It can work out but I think its only because she is sexual with him. She doesn't care about sex but she knows he does and since she is indifferent, she just does it because she knows that most people have needs.

Personally? If I were him I wouldn't find the relationship satisfying. But he seems to be fine with it and she's happy.

Chowderwhore · 3 months

Wow. I can't even go any further than the period at the end of this sentence.

Cozmo23 · 3 months

Did you watch the episode of House the other night that lays out something similar to your scenario?

LCK_74 · 3 months

Trust me when I say that forcing sex will lead you to not want it even more than you already don't. Through most of my relationship, I've never much been interested in sex but my boyfriend would probably feel like dying if he went a week or two without it. We've been together for 3 years and I recently had a breakdown from how used I felt because I was always doing it for him, instead of doing it for US, and more importantly for me. Basically talk to her and find out what she wants sexually. Maybe you two can have sex when YOU'RE in the mood, and when she wants it when you don't she can either masturbate or sleep with a woman since you said she's bi. Either way, DON'T do what I did. You both will be much happier, regardless of if you stay together or just decide to be friends

[deleted] · 3 months

The best relationships is when the girl likes to have more sex. Mine is totally like that, me loves that

kylelalala · 3 months

I personally think sex is an extremely important part of any romantic relationship. Sex brings you two closer in way conversation cannot.

I heard a quote once that went something like:

"You can learn more about someone in an hour of play then in a year of conversation."

zerohalo100 · 3 months

It's nearly impossible for me to think of anyone as being asexual, but I can tell you that a bi-sexual woman is a very sexual creature indeed. To be bisexual means you experiment... and I'm starting to think you might be a challenge to her. Food for thought.

shelovesbleek · 3 months

My boyfriend and I didn't have sex until our two year anniversary because I wasn't exactly ready due to my conservative background. My boyfriend was unbelievably patient and considerate (obviously) but little did I know he was absolutely crushed waiting for me, not necessarily just because he wasn't getting any, but because he thought he wasn't worth the loss of my virginity. Now that we are sexually active, we have never felt closer, intimately and emotionally.

Pelican_bishop · 3 months

would you be ok with her having sex with other people while still being emotionally involved with you?

fischestix · 3 months

It's necessary if the other person wants it.

sonavlaa · 3 months

I love sex. Id have sex right now if I wasn't at work. Hell i'd do it at work...

aircube · 3 months

What do you need her for? Do you really need a bf/gf relationships? You'll have to have sex, and no, it doesn't get less disturbing with more practice/more partenrs(if you're a-). I'm in this game for the kids, what's your motivation?

ftchaos · 3 months

If she thinks that it's that important for a romantic relationship, you won't be able to put it off for too long before she starts to get restless. You should have a talk about what you honestly expect out of a relationship physically soon, because it will only get more difficult with time. Non-compatible sexualities can ruin relationships if you don't attempt to reconcile.

And as a side note: sex is excellent. May I ask why you label yourself as asexual? Have you just never experienced any sort of attraction physically to a member of either sex?

ponchoandy · 3 months

In my opinion a relationship can not work without sex. It really becomes a part of the whole that will keep the relationship healthy. On a side note though, why the fuck are you dating anyone if you are "asexual"; which you aren't?

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