Husband's hygiene is becoming a major problem.

Rambis · 1 year

Sounds like my brother in law.

This sounds like something that you're just going to have to straight out tell him about and talk about. If it makes him feel ashamed, so be it. That may be the kick in the butt he needs to change his habits. That being said, if you say it nicely enough ("Honey, I really need help cleaning up around the house and I feel like I'm cleaning up after a child sometimes. I love you, I just need a bit more of your help around the house." or something similar), he shouldn't take it offensively.

My husband mentioned that your husband sounds like he might be getting depressed. Ask him about that as well, see if there's anything bugging him (job, tiredness, depression in general etc). Maybe that's the underlying issue here. Either that or he just doesn't realize he's being a slob and needs to be told it.

Keith · 1 year

Why would you be afraid of making him ashamed? He should be ashamed at his behavior. Ditto on people's comments about depression, and how the fuck does someone get poop on the bathtub.

generalT · 1 year

did something change six months ago to induce this neglect of hygiene?

ErikF · 1 year

I'm going to have to agree with Rambis' husband. It really sounds like your husband has become seriously depressed. It is one thing to be a slob, but what you are describing is above and beyond. There seems to be a self loathing or something else going on. Do sit down with him and tell him your concern. You don't even need to mention the hygiene issue, just that you feel he maybe unhappy or seriously distracted. Once you guys figure out the underlying problem the slob issue will probably resolve itself. Or at least go back to acceptable levels.

mysteriousf · 1 year

What exactly are "plops of poop" and how do they make their ways to the side of the bathtub? I'm fascinated.

paperclop · 1 year

i agreee with the others, you just have to be straight up about it. i also wouldn't worry too much about him being ashamed if you bring it up. he's not ashamed to have bad hygiene around you, so it shouldn't be a big shock to him when you express your discomfort with it.

as for whether or not he's depressed - he may be, or this may just be the "way he is." you might want to ask someone who grew up with him (mom, brother), if he was like this as a teenager, or only when he was depressed.

good luck : )

skittixch · 1 year

give him a truth-bomb and show him this thread. That should be enough of a wakeup call, and it'll show him that you don't want anything to come between your ability to communicate. The mere fact that you chose to vent on reddit, rather than bring it up as an "issue" to him shows that it's wearing down your ability to communicate...fix this, and everything else should fall into place

Pilebsa · 1 year

It blows me away that you can marry someone and then be afraid to talk with them honestly.

This is an example of two people who were not ready to be married.

You need to be able to feel completely at ease expressing whatever's on your mind with your spouse, and they should respect your feelings. That's like, prerequisite number one before even considering getting married.

photosensitiv · 1 year

It's possible he's doing this stuff because he's getting away with what he can get away with. For example, if I had someone who would clean all of my dishes after I just left them there, then I'd probably start leaving my dishes around like that too.

It doesn't sound so terrible that you need an intervention right now, so I'd probably just try positive reinforcement and see if that works first. You know, be really happy when he does things right.

Concise_Pirate · 1 year

Mental illness seems likely. He needs to see a doc.

Noressa · 1 year

I had to go through this with my ex husband, but not the final portion, thankfully. The hygiene was something I would discuss since it was to the point that I didn't want him touching me at all any more. Or kissing. Or anything else for that matter.

Be up front with him, be blunt and honest. It's really a terrible thing when you feel revulsion at the thought of him reaching out to hold you. It's still early (I let mine build for years) so you can possibly work this out with him. I wish you luck.

Obsidian_77 · 1 year

It could also be schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder or some variant. The "negative" symptoms can be very subtle, but constitute a poverty of normal behaviors, meaning they stop doing normal things...having fun, talking, interacting, taking care of themselves, etc. The peak onset of schizophrenia and related disorders is late teens into the twenties.

Not trying to freak you out, but look at his behaviors and see if any of these fit. If so, call his doctor.

Sinnocent · 1 year

He sounds very depressed. Very. Even hoarding, based on not throwing things away.

RedErin · 1 year

He's always been a slob, it's just that when he was trying to woo you, he would be on his best behavior, then when you're locked in, he's free to be who he really is. This same thing happens with abusers, they're extremely nice for a certain amount of time, then after you're married for a while and dependent on them, they're free to beat the shit out you.

Some way or another, you're going to have to nip this in the bud. Good luck finding the best way to break it to him.

smile0my0friends · 1 year

Does your husband have any history of mental illness? He sounds like me when I'm extremely depressed (minus the poop thing, that I just don't get).

binarytree · 1 year

Sounds like he's messing with you. The only logical thing to do is say "So I ate some of that poop you left for me." I don't think he will ever poop on the tub again....although this will not help the tooth brushing issue...

captjameswest · 1 year

tell him to get his shit together. dont be worried about embarrassing him, hes your husband.

MichB1 · 1 year

I'm sorry you're going through this and I'm sending you happy thoughts, whatever you want to call that.

Please keep in mind, "poop-leaving" is very, very serious thing. He needs help. I would take an active role in making sure he gets it, and is honest with the professionals.

pussyham · 1 year

It's gonna be awkward, but you have to be straight up with him and tell him that it's affecting your marriage and sex life, not to mention (undoubtedly) his mental and physical health. Just tell him you're concerned about him, and also about your relationship because this is affecting it. Tell him that you can't deal with it the way things are anymore, and it has to change or else you're going to have to focus on yourself and what's good for you, which may or may not involve moving on with your life without him. Ask him to let you help him, maybe by helping to find a therapist or figuring out what's wrong so you can contribute to his healing. Otherwise... follow through.

[deleted] · 1 year

Wow...did he explain the poop in the bathtub? How does that even happen unless he's intentionally popping a squat?

OompaOrangeFace · 1 year

Reading this almost made me throw up. I am a guy, but I am very clean and neat. Get rid of this caveman now! Let him poop in his own bath tub.

keepinithamsta · 1 year

Sounds like you put up with a lot of shit. I would personally have a long discussion with him if I were you. Then I would leave him if things don't change for the best. Also, who the fuck shaves their pubes but doesn't do the the rest of the basic maintenance? How the hell would he get shit on the tub? He's obviously given up and to be honest, why not give up on him?

burdalane · 1 year

I can understand about the towel on the counter, not rinsing the dishes, and leaving fingernail clippings on the counter. I do that kind of thing all the time, and I don't have anyone to clean up after me. I still have a bunch of clippings on my bathroom counter because I didn't have a bag in the trash can at the time, and still don't.

The poop is nasty, though.

ironsheikh · 1 year

I'm sorry, but that's both gross and unacceptable. EVERYONE should have good hygiene. I'm sure yours is phenomenal. You need to tell him and be vocal about it, but also maintain your composure. Let him know that it bothers you very much and if that doesn't work, well, take another course of action.

UnderTheRain · 1 year

good thing reddit is anonymous...

ghotisgirl06 · 1 year

I would use his toothbrush to clean the poop. Obviously he isn't using it. Then again, I am a sarcastic bitch ;)

[deleted] · 1 year

Uh, it's not okay to stop taking care of yourself and your environment, especially if you're sharing with someone else.

Make him realise that.

sparktika · 1 year

I would ignore the household stuff for now and focus on the personal hygiene issues. I would write him a letter about it. Seeing it in black and white often works better for men. Be kind, but direct, and let him know what your expectations are.

herropoobear · 1 year

"plops of poop" is adorable

wabbitbun · 1 year

To me the behaviour seems more like asking for attention or some kind of reaction from you. Like he wants you to get angry and show some emotion over this. To show that you care. And every time he does something unacceptable, you just say nothing, clean up, and continue your daily routine. Must be really exciting for both of you.

Have you tried with "you look so cute when you're shaved" or "go brush your teeth for kisses" or ask him to take out the dishes from the dishwasher or hoover or hang the laundry.

xixspiderxix · 1 year

Hmmm.... OK let's look at the positives here.

1) He trims up his fingernails 2) He trims up his pubes 3) He's crapping in your tub...... OK wait...You're finding poop in your tub? On more than one occasion?

joazito · 1 year

Ewww.

AnnArchist · 1 year

This is why no one should marry. You can not predict someone else's behavior indefinitely over an extended period of time.

Good luck with the divorce.

bilabrin · 1 year

It's weird that you have been married 2 years and you are just finding out about this behavior.

brettrosey · 1 year

This guy sounds like he is a little "slow" if you get what I am saying. Anybody that is in the shower, takes a dump on the side of the shower and doesn't proceed to clean it up has some mental issues for sure.

Perhaps he has aspergers or a degenerated frontal lobe.

Usual_Advice · 1 year

Cut all contact. Delete from Facebook. Hit the gym.

Cryogen_at_work · 1 year

Maybe he's gay?

EAT DA POO POO!

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