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[–]hereiam2 129 points130 points ago

I have a really slow computer. I swear everytime I get into a game I get jokes about my computer.

"Hey, can you add after the game and teach me how to run LoL on a TI-84?"

Or

"Are you sure you have enough coal to last the entire game?"

Or

"DING! Toast is done."

"Your toast is taking forever."

"Are you playing on a toaster?"

"White, wheat, or ryze?" (my personal favorite)

Lots of toast jokes, not sure whats with all the toast jokes.

I always seem to get the funny guys on my team.

[–]geeca[geeca] (NA) 87 points88 points ago

Get another hampster for your computer.

[–]miecislaw[quai x3] (EU-West) 18 points19 points ago

THERE'S NO P IN THE WORD HAMSTER! /r

[–]LunarLumina[LunarLumina] (NA) 11 points12 points ago

There is P in a hamster though.

[–]ImTheRage 1 point2 points ago

ICwatyouPthere.jpg

[–]hereiam2 9 points10 points ago

I have surprisingly never received this one before! Upvote for originality!

[–]_Battletoads 17 points18 points ago

Really? I've had that one given to me hundreds of times before I got my new computer.

Never had any toast jokes though, always the damn hamsters.

[–]Metalheadzaid[Bottleorum] (NA) 4 points5 points ago

Haven't been on the internet long enough, if you haven't heard the most used joke for slow loading in games.

[–]zzzDose[Etheryon] (NA) 4 points5 points ago

I've always been a fan of had to run to the store hamster died.

[–]yas1234 1 point2 points ago

pshhh teemo's are better than hamsters, who doesn't want to see a teemo suffer.

[–]das_Es(NA) 33 points34 points ago

How does one play LoL on a potato?

[–]Zylo003 14 points15 points ago

Ask GLaDOS.

[–]strict88 14 points15 points ago

It is possible to power your PC if you have enough potatoes.

[–]TCBloo 74 points75 points ago*

Ok, I did the math. Assuming a 500w power supply, you would need 468,750,000+ potatoes.

3,125,000 parallel sets of 150 potatoes in series would give you ~500w @ ~120VDC.

You would also need more to overcome losses due to the inversion process.

Edit: I severely overestimated the amount of current produced by the potatoes due to bad sources. Thanks das_Es for setting me straight!

[–]CtrlAltDeleteDie 33 points34 points ago

You are now tagged as "Potato Scientist".

[–]das_Es(NA) 9 points10 points ago

According to Berkeley, a single potato produces ~.00016 Watts, meaning you would need around the ballpark of 3125000 (three million) potatoes to produce 500W at 120VDC.

[–]TCBloo 7 points8 points ago

So, I checked you linked source, and I didn't find anything to directly give me the wattage, but with a little more research, I found that you are, in fact, correct. I have updated the post, and credited you.

[–]das_Es(NA) 2 points3 points ago

Well, at the very end it says

One LED should fire with 2 potatoes in series (this barely produces the needed 1.6 V)

they will fire at about 1.6 V and .2 mA

.2 mA * 1.6 V / 2 potatoes

= .16 mW/potato

[–]TCBloo 0 points1 point ago

That's not exactly correct. The requirements for the LEDs to fire are not necessarily the actual output. I don't have the source I used last night, but it did confirm what you said.

[–]das_Es(NA) 1 point2 points ago

But everything is an estimate, I mean are we working with white, red, yellow, or sweet potatoes?

[–]TCBloo 0 points1 point ago

This is true. I think that trying to delve into this any further would take us from theoretical potato-computers to actual potato-computers.

[–]Kraz226 10 points11 points ago

Didn't Dexter try this once on Dexter's Lab?

[–]TCBloo 46 points47 points ago

Yes. Season 4, Episode 7

[–]Togarda 32 points33 points ago

Wait... please tell me you had to go look that up. Please?

[–]TCBloo 2 points3 points ago

I did have to look it up. I'm a Potato Scientist, not a TV Guide.

[–]Sinjako[Jintual] (EU-East) 1 point2 points ago

Win

[–]strict88 1 point2 points ago

I actualy saw it on Bones(the tv series)

[–]Eabryt[Eabryt] (NA) 0 points1 point ago

I totally remember this episode! Even though it has been yearsss

[–]Glurr 9 points10 points ago

Why is it always Galios that is doing the math?

[–]MuttBunch 7 points8 points ago

They're smart enough to know about how amazing Galio is.

[–]The_Camel[Legendary Camel] (NA) 1 point2 points ago

A guardian always does math?

[–]Ythapa 5 points6 points ago

This is secretly the reason for the Irish potato famine. Some avid LoL player went back in time and stole almost all the potatoes to power his potatocomp.

[–]strict88 0 points1 point ago

Anytime bro, anytime :)

[–]atree496 0 points1 point ago

It must be done, FOR SCIENCE!!!

[–]hereiam2 0 points1 point ago

One does not play LoL on one potatoes, but several potatoes linked together to great an intricate array of on/off potatoes powered by more potatoes...

Apparently this possible

[–]Cpt3020 2 points3 points ago

Yeah just ask protatoe monsters

[–]mcsquiggedy 0 points1 point ago

Potatoes are Turing-equivalent.

[–]ThrustVectoring 14 points15 points ago

What I use:

"How'd you install LoL on an Etch-A-Sketch?"

[–]Tiek00n[1brian] (NA) 5 points6 points ago

Wooden computer?

[–]Problem_Santa[GZdeMosselman] (EU-W) 0 points1 point ago

Your computer must be made of wooden.

[–]UnorthodoxTactics 0 points1 point ago

Need to clean out the termites.

[–]thefezhat[Fezzz] (NA) 3 points4 points ago

I like to get the jump on them by announcing that I needed to restart my Lite-Brite when the match starts.

[–]Ragnathegreat 2 points3 points ago

dude you are using your microwave wrong

[–]freet0[freet0] (NA) 3 points4 points ago

My personal favorite is "could you try pedaling faster?"

[–]TCBloo 4 points5 points ago

I'm not sure where it came from, but I make toast jokes.

I don't know why they're so funny to me.

[–]hereiam2 3 points4 points ago

Why did the man throw his buttered toast?

[–]TCBloo 3 points4 points ago

I don't know. Why?

[–]hereiam2 9 points10 points ago

Because he wanted to watch the butterfly!

I'll be here all night...

[–]Wackenov[Wackenov] (NA) 10 points11 points ago

[–]TCBloo 5 points6 points ago

[–]AetherAlchemyst 3 points4 points ago

Bromance!

[–]Goldface 3 points4 points ago

I like to make nerdier jokes.

"I didn't know you could run LoL on a 286."

"It's pretty cool that NASA let you run League on the Apollo computer."

[–]mbcs09 0 points1 point ago

I always just get told that I need to "upgrade my potato."

[–]Alexij 0 points1 point ago

I know your pain. I've bought my new PC 5 days ago. Before 2 minutes of loading...

[–]PenguinBomb 1 point2 points ago

I didn't know original iPods could run League.

[–]84lemmings[84lemmings] (NA) -1 points0 points ago

"This is why you don't steal a bum's house for your computer."

[–]FrostyNinja 0 points1 point ago

I usually go with "I agree that Commodore 64 is one hell of a machine, mate, but seriously... it's so last year!".

[–]Acclue 0 points1 point ago

Reminds me of the jokes I used to get for my crappy internet back when I played starcraft brood war. "Alright, who's got the fisher price modem?"

[–]Cromiell[Cromiell] (NA) -1 points0 points ago

If you have Facebook, you should probably start using this to update your statuses.

[–]PKCarwash[PKCarwash] (NA) 0 points1 point ago

Does LoL look nice on a 3DS?

[–]Zolken 0 points1 point ago

I think it's because running LoL on a toaster is incredibly impressive. Also, you can make tasty warm bread at the same time. Win-win, no?

[–]RCIX 0 points1 point ago

You HAVE to make tasty warm bread at the same time. How else do you expect the thing to cool itself?

[–]Heisel 0 points1 point ago

I usually ask slow loaders if they had to change batteries on their gameboy ;)

[–]mikhel 1 point2 points ago

Once I got "Do they really still make Atari 2600s?"

Made my day.

[–]Tenshik -2 points-1 points ago

Just buy a new SSD, put OS and LoL on it.

[–]CWagner[Semaphor] (EU-West) -1 points0 points ago

So, what museum did you steal your computer from?

That's what I like to say:D

[–]Zarokima[Zarokima] (NA) 209 points210 points ago

[–]strict88 0 points1 point ago

I choked on my coffee laughing at this :)) Take that upvote!

[–]withoutportals 31 points32 points ago

The longest I've ever had to wait was for maybe seven minutes or so, where an enemy Zilean would load part-way, disconnect, start loading again, disconnect, start again...

So I'm sitting at my desk waiiiiting because I'm playing support and I need to CV their base at the start, so I don't want to risk not paying attention when he finally loads. One of my teammates says in Vent, "That Zilean needs to speed up time."

[–]Christemo[Christemo] (EU-W) 3 points4 points ago

[–]iAttackPeople 85 points86 points ago

I've waited for literally a total of about 18 minutes one time... we got in game and our Shen said: "WHAT YEAR IS IT?!?!?"

[–]sKagX 4 points5 points ago

In a game we waited for 10 mins for an enemy WW to load, once he loaded, our mates said in chat: "Wooden computer" "dont play LoL on calculator". He simply replied this: "Sry guys I'm wheeling as fast as possible!" - We died of the laughter

[–]Joeyyo 4 points5 points ago

LOLOL that's probably the best response I've heard

[–]Tooitchy[tooitchy] (NA) 15 points16 points ago

hahahahahahaha. this is too good, i love people.

[–]nTekno 8 points9 points ago

But people hate you.

[–]sg2lyca[Not an American] (NA) 4 points5 points ago

What's with the downvotes? People comment because they want to explain how they feel towards it. It's the same as people saying: Your feelings are wrong.

Here. Have an upvote. And yes. Im drunk.

[–]Arcshot 5 points6 points ago*

Because it's degrading and puts nothing towards the conversation at hand other than "You suck go away".

[–]nTekno 5 points6 points ago

Hey, you suck.

Go away.

[–]80pip[Surskim] (NA) 63 points64 points ago

I browse Reddit, then come back to check on the game and realize it started 10 minutes ago.

[–]mcoree 17 points18 points ago

This happens every single time i play Starcraft...

hit 'find me a match', open reddit, look back at game and realise its 10 seconds in and i have no idea what race im playing against

[–]ChubstheBacon 12 points13 points ago

Happens to me all the time.

Theres a a little man looking icon in the top right corner that tells you what race each person is playing though.

[–]MFMFMFMFMF[Edward Marie] (NA) 2 points3 points ago

Click the allies button in the top right of the screen, it'll show you your opponent's race. ;D

[–]ZeMoose 0 points1 point ago

Borderless mode!

[–]Elekktrikk 0 points1 point ago

yeah, then you just drag your browser to the left side of the screen and it snaps- BAM you can browse and see game for when it starts!

[–]Reproductor 11 points12 points ago

I usually just go to tetrisfriends and play tetris

[–]crumbledstone 9 points10 points ago

Tetrisfriends is fucking addictive. I think i'll play some now.

[–]CBSniper[!] 7 points8 points ago

RIP

crumbledstone

2/5/2012

He died building towers with the intent of preventing towers from ever being built.

[–]Misonator 9 points10 points ago

He was also one hell of a support by the looks of it.

[–]SuperPanic 0 points1 point ago

TIL I am way better at tetris than I previously thought

[–]Noika[Noika] 20 points21 points ago

About 15 min was the longest I had to wait and right when the game started everyone flamed the poor kog'maw about his toaster.

[–]paws7 18 points19 points ago*

If he makes 9 people wait 15 minutes before every game he played I would hardly feel sorry for him.

[–]Shanbu[Anbu] (NA) 3 points4 points ago

Someone on my team basically kept disconnecting after making us wait 10 minutes to even load into the game. He then basically said in the middle of the game, "yea, my computer sucks. I'm gonna go now. See ya guys!"

Boy, did I want to flip tables.

[–]vwllss 2 points3 points ago

I feel more sorry for the people stuck with him.

[–]Hobo-With-A-Shotgun 1 point2 points ago

I agree. If that is a regalar thing, he surely would barely be able to tell what's going on, framerate-wise?

But yeah, making people wait anything more than 3 minutes because your computer is terrible is just an insult to other players.

[–]penguinofhonor 1 point2 points ago

How can your computer take that long to load and still run the game?

[–]lovehate 19 points20 points ago

Playing at 5sfp. That's seconds per frame, not frames per second. :P

[–]ReallyBroReally 4 points5 points ago

Wouldn't it be spf then?

[–]lovehate 26 points27 points ago

Yes. Yes it would. But the f loaded before the p. Everyone complained about how p's computer was made of wood. Thus, 5sfp.

[–]Minus151 4 points5 points ago

Nice save, buddy. ;)

[–]dejv -1 points0 points ago

You really thought this trough didn't you?

[–]Sinjako[Jintual] (EU-East) 7 points8 points ago

why would he think of throughs?

[–]Ghede 7 points8 points ago

Fun fact, some times, if you disconnect during loading... it won't tell you anything. But everyone else appears to be loading slooooooooooooowwwwwwwllllyyyyyyyyyy

So every time I am in a game with a slow loader... I immediately get paranoid and close LoL, re open and try to connect to game. Because one game I didn't get in until... the 7 minute mark when the 'loading' finished and i still didn't connect.

[–]blackabyss[blackabyss] (NA)[S] 1 point2 points ago

Ya. That's what happened to me. Closed LoL rejoined and everyone was lvl 6+. Was awesome....I will be as paranoid as you from now on.

[–]Aliarandacad 0 points1 point ago

Had that happen to me once, but I was Taric and our Caitlyn was badass, so we were actually winning. I got to buy a bunch of wards, g/10 items, and boots with my passive gold, and even saved the Cait from a Rammus gank by bodyblocking him. Level 7 Rammus, foiled by level 2 Taric. He was mad.

[–]Fiskerr[Fiskerr] (EU-East) 7 points8 points ago

Peaked at 284 years when I installed League on my abacus.

[–]RCIX 1 point2 points ago

"Hang on guys, only 20 more years of map asset loading to go!"

[–]Redimo[GoGoPWN] (EU-W) 6 points7 points ago

"Instead of buying skins you should buy a new toaster"

My favourite so far.

[–]fangel123 5 points6 points ago

DUAL HAMSTER CORES

[–]Mijati 4 points5 points ago

I've never understood exactly what causes LoL load times. I'm always one of the first, if not the first to load and I don't even have a great PC, am playing on American servers in England so makes no sense at all.

[–]vesperka 0 points1 point ago

It's so weird. It honestly seems like it has more to do with the strength of your computer than the speed of your internet. Same computer on different internet = same load times. Different computer on same internet = different load times. In my experience at least.

[–]lockblade 7 points8 points ago

Your internet shouldn't have any effect on your load time at all, as the game doesn't download the files from the internet. It IS affected by your hard drive, RAM, and CPU speed.

[–]lenaro 0 points1 point ago

Doesn't seem to be hard drive. It loads just as fast from my external HDD as from my SATA III SSD.

[–]Hobo-With-A-Shotgun 3 points4 points ago

It's the speed at which assets are being loaded into your memory, as far as I can tell.

[–]mcsquiggedy -1 points0 points ago

This. If you grabbed the files from the Internet, then slower loading would correspond with higher latency.

[–]Martel-[Mãrtel] (NA) 1 point2 points ago

As someone who went from having a outdated computer to a good one, I can confirm this.

[–]I3ombastic 0 points1 point ago

Your load times will be affected mostly by hard drive read/write speed and ram speed, and to a lesser extent CPU

[–]terrorhassan -1 points0 points ago

Bad internet = highping Bad pc = low fps and high loadtime

[–]EpicBurrito 0 points1 point ago

no, not at all. Your load time is based on your hard drive bringing the game files into your memory and the graphics card getting ready to display them. The only correlation that your internet has is displaying what everyone else's ping is

[–]HotBlondeIFOM 2 points3 points ago

There was 1 game I had this kog maw on enemy team that took 10 minutes to go from 97% to 100% I thought it was taking 2 long so I alt f4 and reconnected, turns out I (tristana) was the one that had been disconnected. Dunno if this has happened to any of you, but it's the truth.

[–]Praxis1452[Praxis1452] (NA) 2 points3 points ago

worst for me was a talon with like 60 ping but got to 96% pretty slowly and from 96% it took like another 10 minutes.

[–]mcsquiggedy 4 points5 points ago

The ping is irrelevant; loading occurs client-side.

[–]blozt 2 points3 points ago

I had this yesterday, wanted to try out the new co-op vs. AI, see what those new bots were made of.
We had a malphite who wanted to jungle, and he took ages to load. Got stuck at 59% as well... I finished reading some guide on solomid, and then closed the window. Jumped back into the game, and it was actually me who had been disconnected and was now 6 levels behind.
Pretty weird bug, anyone else seen it?

[–]ForteEXE[Chrysalis Navita] (NA) 1 point2 points ago

Had it happen once, no idea what happened either. Really annoying.

[–]Unicormy 2 points3 points ago

"Is your primary interface punchcard?"

[–]yellowdogyyy[yellowdogyyy] (EU-W) 2 points3 points ago

someone needs to make a first world problem meme out of a lot of these comments :D

[–]SlothPuppet 2 points3 points ago

I had this Master Yi load slow enough for me to watch two episodes of southpark + commercials. When we got in game it was a 2v1 because just about everyone had left. I don't think he ever finished loading by the way.

[–]Jerlko[Jerlko] (NA) 0 points1 point ago

Should have activated Yi time.

[–]Generate[Jack] (EU-W) 2 points3 points ago

His pc must have been made from wooden.

[–]pasternaster 5 points6 points ago

From wooden what?

[–]Tooitchy[tooitchy] (NA) 5 points6 points ago

You've never heard of wooden? It was all the rage in the 50's and 60's.

[–]Problem_Santa[GZdeMosselman] (EU-W) -2 points-1 points ago

Upvote for (I think it was) colbycheeze reference

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]nTekno 0 points1 point ago

That was in very bad taste..

[–]pewpewrabbit 0 points1 point ago

Usually, someone taking extremely long to load has actually lagged out or disconnected.

[–]jmil23 1 point2 points ago

They should make it so if your avg load is > some predetermined amount you only match with other long loaders. Longer search times for making us wait 5-10 minutes seems fair imo.

[–]dovakeen 1 point2 points ago

tell him to pedal faster on his bicycle modem...

[–]MiNDTRyX 0 points1 point ago

My personal favorite is: Man I think my hair just turned grey

[–]H0M0N0ID 0 points1 point ago

yo. I played with a guy who used a NETBOOK to play LoL. It took 20 minutes till we were ingame :O

[–]JaumeGreen 1 point2 points ago

I play with a netbook, and my average load time is about 5 minutes. That means that that times I had problems with the game (not responding to mouse clicks) restarting the game put me in the 8 minutes mark or so.

In game it works nice (well, some stutter sometimes when there's too many things going on) and, partly because I can't play much, I mostly do vs AI. First thing I say when entering the champions selection screen is "Slow loading computer".

When people comment about my PC I tended to joke along ("I need more wood, there's not enough stem pressure") nowadays I simply say "I accept donations", it's also funny and diffuses the situation.

[–]Hobo-With-A-Shotgun 0 points1 point ago

That's bad... I have a somewhat decent laptop - could play SupremeCommander at something like 15fps when things get busy, so not exactly a gaming machine but not too bad - and I'm usually one of the first to load should I use that machine.

That said, I also have to turn everything right down to low settings to get a comfortable (60fps) framerate. Your guy must be playing on a slideshow.

[–]skeletonmage 0 points1 point ago

15 FPS isn't too bad? ಠ_ಠ Either I've continually spoiled myself or people never upgrade their machines.

[–]Hobo-With-A-Shotgun 0 points1 point ago

For a laptop, it isn't.

[–]Marthene[MartoDotA] (EU-NE) 1 point2 points ago

20 minutes waiting for a teemo . after that i ganked the shit out of his lane and made him go 0/15/0 and focused him first in teamfights and bought an oracle . I was browsing the internet while waiting too .

[–]donkeydizzle(EU-W) 0 points1 point ago

To a slow gangplank : "ye need more hamster in yer machine matey"

[–]MrMota 0 points1 point ago

Man some people have some epic card board boxes. I had to wait 25 minutes for a guy to load. I went afk for 20 minutes, and when I came back he was at 91%.

[–]Vequeth 1 point2 points ago

I had a really long wait time on a singed, about 10-15 mins before i restarted the client. Turns out they had all loaded and the game had been going for 8 mins..

[–]Sacramentlog[Sacramentlog] (EU-W) 0 points1 point ago

Dont get angry about the guy with the slowass PC. The hamster powering it might just have died =(

[–]eldicoran[Eldicoran] (NA) 0 points1 point ago

About 10-15 minutes, it was horror

[–]TeacHa-[TeacHa] (EU-W) 0 points1 point ago

I need up to 3 min everytime .. heh epic laptop is epic .. :'(

thats why I always go smoke before the game starts -.-"

[–]dysethethird 0 points1 point ago

I used to have a really slow computer. My favorite was when someone said: "I just gave birth during that."

[–]KrazyKoalaKid 0 points1 point ago

On my old computer dominion games would end before i loaded D:

[–]re6en 1 point2 points ago

They are playing on pizza boxes instead of real PCs

[–]Catman789 1 point2 points ago

I remember making chicken noodle soup one time during.waiting

[–]EUWCael 1 point2 points ago

I'm usually the slowest of the 10, taking around a minute to load...

my best one is from one time one guy took at least 15 minutes to load (not sure, stopped checking the time at 10min and went to take a coffe) with 999 ping and one guy asked him "so, what's like to play from the International Space Station?" xDD

[–]Ryan_Firecrotch 0 points1 point ago

"Hey Gragas, whats it like playing on a Potato Salad?"

[–]hogaric 0 points1 point ago

i just wait 20 minutes for a freaking ninja rammus.He was awesome through

[–]ZentaPollenta[Marqe] (EU-W) 0 points1 point ago

What did you put in your sandwich to make it load so slowly?

[–]SupremeZeus 0 points1 point ago

Sell your gameboy

[–]Seerix 0 points1 point ago

I've got a friend whose hard drive took a shit recently. He would take so long to load it would kick him out of the game on first loads. Dota2 games wouldn't even start. Not that anyone really had a problem with it since he was such a bro.

It was pretty bad. All fixed now though.

[–]LawlerFail 0 points1 point ago

1992 called. They want their computer back.

[–]LoveFluffyBunny 1 point2 points ago

Once had a guy with 22 ping take 10+ mins to load. In Skype someone said "Why are they playing on a PSP in the server room?" Laughter ensued.

[–]G4ME[G4M3] (EU-W) 0 points1 point ago

Im playing Tetris on my Gameboy from 1989. Time passes quickly

[–]UnorthodoxTactics 0 points1 point ago

I once took 20 minutes to load.

The other team told me to replace the hamsters in my computer.

[–]nucelarshark 0 points1 point ago

i waited for 5 min because of a fiddlestick, and i said: "What a wooden computer for a wooden champ"

[–]Jarvan_1V -2 points-1 points ago

I always use stuff like "Careful we don't want your wooden PC to catch fire" or "I didn't know they still made wooden PCs"

[–]Riousenkai[Baldimor] (NA) 2 points3 points ago

idk, they never made wooden pcs

[–]Riousenkai[Baldimor] (NA) -1 points0 points ago

You win the internet!

[–]MrSkyAndFriends -2 points-1 points ago

My longest would have to be 10-20 minutes of wait. This troll kept disconnecting and reconnecting for 10 minutes, and the other 10 minutes was loading xD