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Just a reminder: It's been ~2000 years and Jesus STILL has not came back. (self.atheism)
submitted 2 years ago by HighlandFencer
So you know.
[–]DeusSimia 49 points50 points51 points 2 years ago
Just from the four gospels alone. And this was just me looking on my own. I'm sure I must have missed some.
Matthew 16:28 Truly I say to you, There are some standing here who shall not taste of death until they see the Son of Man coming in His kingdom.
Matthew 23:36 Truly I say to you, All these things shall come on this generation.
Matthew 24:34 Truly I say to you, This generation shall not pass until all these things are fulfilled.
Matthew 26:64 Jesus said to him, You said it. I tell you more. From this time you shall see the Son of Man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming on the clouds of the heavens.
Mark 1:14 And after John was delivered up, Jesus came into Galilee, proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom of God, Mark 1:15 and saying, The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God draws near. Repent, and believe the gospel.
Mark 9:1 And He said to them, Truly I say to you that there are some of those who stand here who shall not taste of death until they see the kingdom of God come with power.
Mark 13:30 Truly I say to you that this generation shall not pass away until all these things occur.
Mark 14:62 And Jesus said, I AM! And you will see the Son of Man sitting on the right hand of power and coming in the clouds of the heaven.
Luke 9:27 But I tell you truly, there are some standing here who shall not taste of death until they see the kingdom of God.
Luke 21:22 For these are the days of vengeance, that all things which are written may be fulfilled.
John 5:25 Truly, truly, I say to you, The hour is coming and now is, when the dead shall hear the voice of the Son of God, and they who hear shall live.
[–]ds2k7 17 points18 points19 points 2 years ago
Some of those people are still alive. This is as believable as the rest of it, I guess
[–]iambilliam 16 points17 points18 points 2 years ago
One of them is still alive. What, you've never heard of the Wandering Jew?
[–]trisight 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago
Speaking of which, whatever happened to Cain? Wasn't he supposed to be cursed to walk the Earth forever and have a mark on him that everyone would recognize him?
Seems to me that if you had been alive that long you'd be a pretty smart guy and be well recognized.
[–]iorgfeflkd 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago
Cain was killed by Lamech. Even if he wasn't, he would have drowned in the flood.
[–]Skibum04 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
Just ask the Mormons they always have interesting takes on Christians theology.
The Wandering Jew is actually John the Revelator, he makes appearances every now and again but mostly he lays low. With John or also just laying low are three Nephites (the white native american in the book of mormon) still wandering the earth as well waiting for the return of Jesus.
Cain has actually been reported as being seen by a Mormon leader, his description is very familiar to that of big foot.
When it comes to modern crazy religion accepted by intelligent people only Scientology tops the Mormons.
[–]jeremyfirth 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
There's also a story in Jewish lore that Cain came to Noah and said he needed to be allowed on the ark as part of his curse. God confirmed the story, and Cain lived on the ark, and took off as soon as the ark hit land again. googling for reference.
[–]chilehead -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago
I'm glad it's not John DENVER.
[–]pwnis -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago
lame
[–]trisight 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
It would seem that if he were made to walk the earth he would be immortal. Perhaps he just had to swim for a really long time during the floods suffering the horrible pains of drowning over and over again.
Or perhaps we are putting too much thought into mythology.
[–]iorgfeflkd 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Well everyone was effectively immortal back then, living upwards of 900 years. Methuselah didn't even die of old age. He drowned in the flood.
[–]ClemsonPoker 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Ooh, it's Biblical fan-fiction.
If Christianity can ruin something like rock 'n roll, imagine how utterly unreadable the vast majority of that schlock must be.
[–]gkhenderson 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Its no harder to believe that than any of the other supernatural stories in the bible.
[–]soundacious 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
AKA The Phantom Stranger!
[–]PaulRay -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago
Or, perhaps, the Wandering Jew?
[–]DeusSimia 10 points11 points12 points 2 years ago*
Actually, I showed this to the leaders of one church that I know, and asked them to explain it. They couldn't give me an answer right away, and said they'll get back to me. A week later, I got an answer from them. "Jesus said these things to his disciples and other followers at the time. These were good people who listened to Jesus, so they're now in Heaven. Since they're in Heaven, they never really died, so all of this still applies." I shit you not; that was their official answer. I was going to respond to that, but instead I just stood there in awe at the amazing power of stupidity. I had just given them irrefutable proof that these Bible stories are false, and instead of seeing the obvious truth, they come up with the absolute worst response I have ever heard.
[–]Nougat 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago
So the reason those things are true is because Jesus was playing semantic games instead of just being fucking clear about it?
[–]IncognitoOne 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago
And then would get mad at his disciples when even they couldn't understand what he meant.
[–]superwinner 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
hell couldn't all the religious killings on earth be solved if god would just clarify his message a little?
[–]ds2k7 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
it makes sense though. being in heaven is a lot like being immortal, like the highlander. see, you have to die before you get to live forever. also if someone cuts your head off in heaven you die for reals.
[–]Daemonax 17 points18 points19 points 2 years ago
Being in heaven is more like being in North Korea, which is perhaps worse than death. My understanding of heaven is that you spend all of eternity praising that big arsehole God.
[–]DoTheDew 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago
And millions and millions of people really are hoping for the chance to do this. You couldn't pay me to go to heaven even if it existed. It really blows my mind that atheists are the ones that are in the minority.
See, this is one of the things that led me out of Mormonism. I didn't like most Mormons. I thought they were idiots and I really didn't like being around them and being at church. I was visiting a friend who was attending BYU, and I was sitting in church with him and I thought, "You know, these people are all Mormons, and they believe they're the only ones going to the highest levels of heaven. And I can't stand most of them. I think they're dorks. So why am I trying so hard to follow all the rules? Why would I want to spend eternity in a place like this?"
[–]thomas_anderson 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
You, sir, are going straight into my quotes file.
[–]spam99 -3 points-2 points-1 points 2 years ago
i think if anything north koreans dont have to worry about food... we have plenty of food... but almost all of it is fake.. and even though we feel full were still dying of pesticides and other shit that wont effect us untill 20 years later.. by then the people that sold us the food we eat today wont give a damn what happens to us. On the other hand north koreans are starving..but i rather starve than eat food from seeds created in a petrie dish.
[–]Daemonax 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago
I'd much rather trust scientists with my food than nature hippies. Modern pesticides are fine for you. The pesticides used in organic farming though are very harmful. Improved seeds created in a lab sound like a great idea to me.
[–]Voerendaalse 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Organic farmers don't use pesticides. Unless they are frauds.
[–]Daemonax 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago*
Yes they do. You're deluding yourself, there are organic approved pesticides that they use, indeed they have to use them if they wish to be profitable. A quick search online will give you plenty of information about it.
Organic farming is very bad for the environment due to lower crop yields, meaning that in order to be able to produce the same amount of crops a larger area of land must be used.
There is also no nutritional benefit in organic foods.
[–]MrFlabulous 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago
Daemonax - spokesperson for Monsanto _^
You mean that the nutritional benefit of organic foods is the same as the nutritional benefit of non-organic foods.
I still do not agree with you; and I think you looked at all the websites that are sceptical of organic farming and none that are fair about it. I know that there are a lot of pesticides used in normal farming that put a heavy burden on the wildlife surrounding that farm. That 's what I would like to prevent!
I comment here especially, because I would like to point out, that perhaps this world isn't meant to carry this many human beings around... Perhaps we should try to make our population smaller. Not, of course, by starving people. But by allowing people to make planned choices about having children; and perhaps by stressing that this planet is overwhelmed by us... So my personal answer would be: using less fuel, having less people (in a generation or two) and organic farming...
[–]FerociousImbecile 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
I sit here with my jaw on my keyboard.
[–]IncognitoOne 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago*
That is actually what I was taught growing up in the Mormon church. John never died and is still alive, wandering the Earth doing God's work.
Here is where that is discussed in the New Testament. Peter is talking about John:
21 Peter seeing him saith to Jesus, Lord, and what shall this man do? 22 Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? follow thou me. 23 Then went this saying abroad among the brethren, that that disciple should not die: yet Jesus said not unto him, He shall not die; but, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? John 21
21 Peter seeing him saith to Jesus, Lord, and what shall this man do?
22 Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? follow thou me.
23 Then went this saying abroad among the brethren, that that disciple should not die: yet Jesus said not unto him, He shall not die; but, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? John 21
Edit: Formatting
[–]Blacksh33p 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
Don't forget the 3 Nephites and Cain.
[–]IncognitoOne 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Ha ha. Well, yes, but I decided to just stick to the one that's actually talked about by Jesus in the Bible.
[–]pstryder 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago
The religion I was raised in (Jehovah's Witnesses) have this very convoluted reasoning, using bits of scripture all over the Bible, saying that the 'generation' and the 'end times' are referring to a period beginning with WW1.
So all that talk about these things happening before 'this generation passes away' is referring to the generation that lived through WW1.
I have often wondered how they will change their tune when no one who was born before 1914 is still alive.
(I am now an atheist, I was simply mentioning their ridiculous belief.)
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
question. did your family cut you out of their life? i know a jehovah who i am positive sees through the bullshit but won't admit it for fear of her friends and family shunning her. its quite sad really, shes clearly tortured over it.
[–]pstryder 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
No. My family still talks to me, however, we are not close. I moved away. It's not that they pushed me away, it's that I couldn't take their constant god-bothering.
She has reason to be scared. JW's are supposed to shun even family members who turn away or are disfellowshipped.
My mother wouldn't allow me to associate with my younger brother while he was a teen. It wasn't until he turned 18, left home and the church that he and I started to get close.
i know she has good reason, and i understand her decision, but its just really hard to know someone is torturing themselves in that way. you can see it in her eyes all the time. but, family is important, and they ssound pretty hardcore. i doubt they would ever talk to her again.
Family is only as important as you want it to be.
true. i have a really good one. so i guess i may have a different perspective.
[–]Atheizt 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago*
coming on the clouds of the heavens
religion just got hot.
*
Truly I say to you Truly I say to you Truly I say to you Truly I say to you Truly I say to you But I tell you truly Truly, truly, I say to you
Truly I say to you
But I tell you truly
Truly, truly, I say to you
He appears to speak the truth. Good enough for me, I repent.
Okay, but now no kidding, I'm really telling the truth this time ...
[–]PD711 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
I think this is one of the clues that the Jesus story was never meant to be taken as a literal history. It was all supposed to be a "what if the messiah came." story.
[–]soundacious 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
If The Watcher told the story it would be "What if the Messiah came ... and turned into The Incredible Hulk(TM)?"
[–]TheDrop 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Exactly. Midrashic literature fits the bill nicely.
i don't know. i'm not getting a hint of 'what if' from that language in the least bit.
Mormons believe that the twelve disciples still wander the earth and were "translated" (resurrected without dying) and that they still wander the earth anonymously helping people. They also believe that three of the North American "disciples" that were chosen by Jesus when he came to America were also "translated" and that they walk the earth, having never tasted death. (The Mormons call them the "Three Nephites" and there are all kinds of urban legends about people being helped by them.) So that's how the Mormons explain those passages. I like to think of the Mormon Justice League. Would be a fun comic book series, but I am not an artist.
[–]skizmo 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Are there actually people who believe this crap ?
sort of. most who believe haven't taken the time to read the actual 'word of god'.
[–]pitofdoom -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago
Christ is the next generation of man, "The Son of Man"
Why should "some standing here who shall not taste of death until they see the Son of Man coming in His kingdom", surprise any?
[–][deleted] 48 points49 points50 points 2 years ago
Actually, he came back last year -- but my wife got an abortion.
[–]ClemsonPoker 12 points13 points14 points 2 years ago
Man...I never realized the Van Helsings took care of such a variety of mythical beasts.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago
Sticking it to vampires gets monotonous after a while.
Nothing like a good zombie kill.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
I almost got tentacle-raped by a shoggoth. Good times.
This might explain the biggest reason christians are against abortion, they think we're gonna accidentally kill the messiah and anger the sky gods. From their warped perspective, I can see how they might think that too.
Well, Jehovah was kinda pissy when my wife got that abortion, but I wasn't going to stop her from aborting a Downs Syndrome baby. But Jehovah wouldn't listen, so I grabbed my sledgehammer and gave him something to cry about.
[–]JayClay 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
Sorry to break it to you, Ed. But that was no immaculate conception.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
She thought she was having a romp with her freebie, Bruce Dickinson of Iron Maiden. I don't blame her.
[–]digitalboy 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
You win!
[–]dead_ed 22 points23 points24 points 2 years ago
It's been 2000 years and Jesus still hasn't been waterboarded!
[–]StaticPrevails 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago
Why did I imagine Tracy Morgan saying that?
[–]dead_ed 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago
Even though i wrote it, now I'm hearing it in Tracy Morgan's voice.
[–]KingoftheJews 22 points23 points24 points 2 years ago
Someone call?
[–]HighlandFencer[S] 26 points27 points28 points 2 years ago
Yeah. Your fan clubs stealin' Haitian kids.
[–]KingoftheJews 18 points19 points20 points 2 years ago
Yeeeah. Saw that. Fuck bags.
[–]CrisOMG 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago
They're just gonna say you told them to do it...
I say it's 50/50 they're right.
[–]superwinner 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago*
From what I have heard, their excuse is;
"We were trying to speed up the very slow and expensive adoption process.."
By selling cheap children to people with no oversight? Yeah, thats a great idea.
"But the people we are selling them to are christians like us!"
And thats so easy to measure, and no one ever lies...
[–]Jesus_Saves 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago
.======. | INRI | | | | | .========' '========. | _ xxxx _ | | /_;-.__ /ಠ_ಠ\ _.-;_\| | `-._`'`_/'`.-' | '========.`\ /`========' | | / | |/-.( | |\_._\ | | \ \`;| | > |/| | / // | | |// | | \(\ | | `` | | | | | | | | | _ _\\| \// |//_ _ \/ ^ `^`^ ^`` `^ ^` ``^^` `^^
[–]TophBoB 10 points11 points12 points 2 years ago
Well we all know why...http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20081124.gif
[–]unamenottaken 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago
I pretty sure that somewhere in scripture it describes his return as coinciding with the widespread use of the electric car. Unfortunately that keeps getting set back.
[–]TayRay420 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
So it is true that Satan runs the oil companies.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago
He aren't coming, the bible is a rip off of the Sumerian tablets, you would have more luck waiting for the Easter bunny.
[–]celticagent 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago
wut? there's no easter bunnie?
[–][deleted] 2 years ago
[deleted]
[–]IncognitoOne 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
LIES!!!
If you like lies, check this thread out.
[–]PD711 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Easterbunny
unless you count this.
[–]soundacious 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
He aren't? But I are baking cake!
[–]fireburt 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
He aren't?
[–]unicock 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago
Yeah, but he got to be just around the corner. The Bible says it will be within our lifetime. Oh wait...
You mean the disciple's lifetime.
[–]combustioncat 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago*
But that's the trick isn't it. Once their dead die it doesn't apply any more for them, but it always remains as a "to be fulfilled soon..." promise in the minds of the living.
The best thing about this particular kind of deception is that it's a promise that is sufficiently vague enough so as to be completely un-negatable in anyway, and gives itself an open ended amount of time to fulfill itself. For everyone who is living, for all of time, the second coming of Jesus will always "happen within his follower's lifetimes" - whether he turns up or not.
[–]HazierPhonics 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago
*come
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVEYhmjo3vA
[–]n0t_5hure 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago
he did come back, it was documented in the book of mormon. just ask joseph smith.
[–]SventheWonderDog 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago
Huh? I thought we weren't even sure he existed at all.
[–]montage420 -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago
I thought we know there was an actual guy named Jesus. It's just unclear if he was Christ or a bearded magician.
[–]iolothebard -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago
Nope.
Just a reminder: Religion is all bullshit. Jesus doesn't exist.
[–]live52 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago*
Not just bullshit but a great way to control and organize the fearful, uneducated masses. Promise them an afterlife if they do as you say, and eternal hell fire if they don't.
[–]rmeddy 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
The messiah is not coming and he is not even going to call.
[–]wjoelbrooks 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
Any day now!
[–]groug 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
Yeah, but I got a feeling about tomorrow.
[–]rathead 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
he said "I shall return"... not "be right back"... oh wait... i think "i shall return" was McArthur. never mind.
[–]ep0k 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago
Yeah, Jesus was pretty clear that people who witnessed his gospel would still be alive when he returned.
Of course, you can prove that Macarthur existed...
[–]zubzub2 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
Matthew 10:23:
When you are persecuted in one place, flee to another. I tell you the truth, you will not finish going through the cities of Israel before the Son of Man comes.
Matthew 16:28
I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom."
Mark 9:1
And he said to them, "I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God come with power.
Luke 9:27
I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God."
Matthew 24:34 (see also Mark 13, Luke 21):
3As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately. "Tell us," they said, "when will this happen, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?" [clip] 30"At that time the sign of the Son of Man will appear in the sky, and all the nations of the earth will mourn. They will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of the sky, with power and great glory. 31And he will send his angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather his elect from the four winds, from one end of the heavens to the other. 32"Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and its leaves come out, you know that summer is near. 33Even so, when you see all these things, you know that it[d]is near, right at the door. 34I tell you the truth, this generation[e] will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened.
3As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately. "Tell us," they said, "when will this happen, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?"
[clip]
30"At that time the sign of the Son of Man will appear in the sky, and all the nations of the earth will mourn. They will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of the sky, with power and great glory. 31And he will send his angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather his elect from the four winds, from one end of the heavens to the other.
32"Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and its leaves come out, you know that summer is near. 33Even so, when you see all these things, you know that it[d]is near, right at the door. 34I tell you the truth, this generation[e] will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened.
[–]faassen 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
I'll note that "the Son of Man" = "Jesus, the Messiah" is actually an equation not necessarily supported by those gospels, though it is by later Christian interpretation. The alternative interpretation is that Jesus was predicting the arrival of "the Son of Man", a divine-like figure that would bring the kingdom of God, raise all the dead, and relieve the suffering masses. Jesus in that light is seen as the first of the resurrected. The theology was of course a bit unstable at the time, but might only have become the stuff we're familiar with afterwards.
What point am I making? I just think it's an interesting interpretation. Perhaps the point is that it shows how even atheists who try to read the text as the text without putting in theological interpretation are influenced by theology in their interpretation.
[–]zubzub2 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago*
and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?
Criticize the Bible translators, then, not me. :-)
But, hey, even by those lights, the whole Judgment Day within-one-generation thing still doesn't seem to have worked out all that well.
Heh, I'm no expert on the exact interactions between theology and the different gospels, nor the original Greek.. But the talk about the Son of Man can be interpreted as a discussion of what happens at the end of the age, perhaps. It gets messy.
In Mark it says: "If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father's glory with the holy angels." w
..which would seem to indicate a distinct entity, but in other places he seems to be referring to himself.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Son_of_man
And yeah, clearly it didn't work out all that well. :)
[–]MrFlabulous 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
What does death taste like?
[–]sleepyj910 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
almonds
[–]aeflash 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
I would love to hear a reputable apologist's take on this.
[–]Forge2K 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago
There is no such thing as a "reputable" apologist. They're all just a bunch of spin artists.
[–]aeflash 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
"Reputable" in this context would be one who most Christians agree with.
[–]ClemsonPoker 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago*
We won't settle for just any idiot's opinion. We demand a popular idiot!
Although I am no longer a believer, I was taught growing up that the apostle John never actually died and is still wandering the Earth.
This is discussed in John 21:21-23
You mean the so called scholars and the people quoting them?
[–]AngMoKio 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
A large number of Christians (most?) don't believe in the second coming. It's more a belief of evangelicals in the US. Read up on Preterist Dispensationalism.
Premillenial Dispensationalism is even more rare. Lots of Christians, lots of beliefs.
[–]caffeinatedzen 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago
Most Christians don't really read the bible, just the "important" verses that the pastor points out.
Yeah, but unfortunately the ones who believe in this stuff tend to be REEALLY LOUUUUD AND PUSHY and get into government.
[–]CharlieDancey 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
Why are we picking over the carcass of Christianity and the Bible?
There's buggerall meat left on it.
[–]m30000 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
Because he's dead http://www.tombofjesus.com/
[–]Sophocles 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
I love how every generation is able to interpret the Bible to conclude that Jesus' return is imminent. When Dante was alive, it was commonly assumed that Jesus would return sometime around the year 1300. It was just as obvious to the first Christians that he would return during the First Century, and it was just as obvious to Christians during the 20th Century that 2000 was the magical year.
On this and so many other subjects, the only thing that is obvious about the Bible is that anything that can be interpreted so elastically is worthless as a source of reliable information about anything.
[–]somethinginteresting 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
We wouldn't know, because his current followers would most likely lock up a person preaching peace and friendship with one's enemies.
FSM 4-EVA!
not true. he died in 1993.
praise him.
[–]princessrisi 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
what are you on about? I am back!
Just because no one will believe me!
[–]blitz79 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
When he comes back, it will be legen-"wait for it".......
[–]tomofro 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
dary! Oh wait never mind that's just a homeless guy.
[–]Exarch 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
Jesus was on his way, but then Gabriel linked him up to TVtropes and, well ...
[–]Nessie 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
He's waiting until we have flying cars.
[–]goobie81 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
who?
[–]NuclearWookie 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Most of Christian eschatology is based on a few books that only barely made canon. To be fair 70CE probably did seem like the end times for Jews and early Christians in the Eastern Medeterranian.
If you're right 70CE was about a hundred years before the Roman Empire went into decline, [Edit: instead of "went into decline," "reached its peak" would be a better phrase.] leading to the Dark Ages when the priestly class kept all knowledge to itself.
What? 70CE was the date of the destruction of the second temple and an era of intense Roman persecution of the Jews.
[–]PathogensQuest 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Let's go! While we're young!
[–]nargi 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
came back?
[–]HighlandFencer[S] 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
I'm from the southern United States. Just be glad you understood it.
[–]lueckenbeisser 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Which reminds me: Watch out for John Frum on the 15. of February!
[–]longshot 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Yeah, but now they are SOOOO devout in the eyes of the lord . . . . They're sure to get into heaven after this long . . . .
That's because not everybody believes in him!
[–]ABTechie 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Didn't you see Religulous? Bill Maher found him in Florida. He's gone back to doing the Lord's work.
[–]jscoppe 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
There's a really old guy on the radio (one of the crazy Christian stations) where I live who says Judgment Day is March 21, 2011. Now that's specific!
He sees all the people that got his message wrong and is afraid to let them know that they fucked it all up. Wouldn't you never come back if you had to tell 80% of the planet that all this shit they've been fighting over and killing over is wrong? Imagine the hostility and accusations:
Jesus: "But I never said I was the son of god, you assumed that. Who wrote all this shit in the bible? I never said any of this"
People: "This man isn't jesus... look, he can't even feed the hungry. He is arguing that the bible is wrong! Must be just some crazy atheist cult leader."
[–]jgreen44 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago*
Whoa there. Jesus came back in AD 70. He had to have come back in AD 70. Otherwise Christianity is a colossal lie. This is the thought process of Preterists.
[–]my_cat_joe 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Fuck. I totally let that dude borrow $50.
I knew he wasn't coming back. :-(
[–]manny130 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Is there anything outside of biblical reference, or anything that does not cite the bible to indicate that he ever existed in the first place?
I believe there are some roman texts that mention him.
The wiki article on this is actually pretty good. Very scant proof, several suspected interpolations into older texts by Christians, and some questionable interpretations by believers:
article
[–]baddna7 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
no rapture for you.
Amen.
[–]directorguy 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Just like when someone misqoutes a Klingon or gets the wrong character identified on Star Wars, I need to point out something.
Jesus Zombie flew to Heaven 1,980 years ago, not 2,000. So there's still a few years left.
[–]WhiteJesus 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
It's not likely I was ever there in the first place.
[–]matrixkid 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
He's a cookin a somethin good.
I'm pretty sure that if he was going to come back, then he already has... the Christians are waiting for something that has already happened. if i could just suspend my views for a moment and believe that jesus has come back; i think we would either not recognize him, or kill him again... that's assuming a jesus existed in the first place and who's likeness isn't just plagiarized from earlier works.
personally... i don't think he was here in the first place... so he sure as hell isn't coming back.
[–]ColdSnickersBar 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
I told the priest: don't count on any second coming. God got his ass kicked the first time he came down here slumming. He had the balls to live, and the gall to die and then forgive us. Though I don't wonder why, I wonder what he thought it would get us.
[–]pegothejerk 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
bobbleheads.
[–]Corrupted_Planet 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
He came back during the dark ages, but the church accused him of being a warlock and hung him.
[–]gclary 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
I am trying to find out the location of heaven. I think if we could point the Hubble at it, we could see all the Angels in Heaven and God and stuff, so you Atheists can finally understand that GOD IS REAL......
[–]mralex 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago*
on : How will it be, this end of which you have spoken, Brother Enim? Omnes: Yes, how will it be? Peter : Well, it will be, as 'twere a mighty rending in the sky, you see, and the mountains shall sink, you see, and the valleys shall rise, you see, and great shall be the tumult thereof. Jon : Will the veil of the temple be rent in twain? Peter : The veil of the temple will be rent in twain about two minutes before we see the sign of the manifest flying beast-head in the sky. Alan : And will there be a mighty wind, Brother Enim? Peter : Certainly there will be a mighty wind, if the word of God is anything to go by... Dudley : And will this wind be so mighty as to lay low the mountains of the earth? Peter : No - it will not be quite as mighty as that - that is why we have come up on the mountain, you stupid nit - to be safe from it. Up here on the mountain we shall be safe - safe as houses. Alan : And what will happen to the houses? Peter : Well, naturally, the houses will be swept away and the tents of the ungodly with them, and they will all be consuméd by the power of the heavens and on earth - and serve them right! Alan : And shall we be consumed? Peter : Con..sum..éd? No, we shall not be consuméd - we shall be up on the mountain here, you see, while millions burn, having a bit of a giggle. Jon : When will it be, this end of which you have spoken? Omnes : Aye, when will it be - when will it be? Peter : In about thirty seconds time, according to the ancient pyramidic scrolls... and my Ingersoll watch. Jon : Shall we compose ourselves, then? Peter : Good plan, Brother Pithy. Prepare for the End of the World! Fifteen seconds... Alan : Have we got the tinned food? Dudley : Yes. Peter : Ten seconds... Jon : And the tin-opener? Dudley : Yes. Peter : Five - four - three - two - one - Zero! Omnes : (Chanting) Now is the end - Perish The World!
A pause
Peter : It was GMT, wasn't it? Jon : Yes. Peter : Well, it's not quite the conflagration I'd been banking on. Never mind, lads, same time tomorrow... we must get a winner one day.
[–]Paxalot 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
Jesus promised to come back before some of his original followers died. You know what that means? It means that there are some 2000+ year old people still living here on Earth.
Wait a tic, but I'm jesus...
[–]skizmo -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago
You guys came back !!!!
[–]live52 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
No, I think they're both Mexican. Viva la raza.
[–]hassan-i-sabbah 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
You sure showed all the Christians in the audience with this stunning revelation! What an iconoclast you are!
[–]celticagent 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago
There are Christians on Reddit?
LOL
[–]Zeek1 -2 points-1 points0 points 2 years ago
Maybe he has, but ran into some black ghetto and got shot.
[–]ClemsonPoker 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
Or maybe some rednecks thought he was "one o' them thar faggits" and drug him behind a truck for six miles or so.
You know, as long as we're being racist about it.
[–]Zeek1 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
I'm sorry but how was that racist?
[–]ClemsonPoker -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago
Probably has something to do with it
[–]Zeek1 -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago
So the word black is racist now?
Damn you're dense.
[–]KevRose -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago
He's giving me a blowjob this very second..
That would explain why Digg was ever popular then...
[–]hotwitch2 -1 points0 points1 point 2 years ago
Isn't Obama the second coming anointed one?????
[–]Zolty -2 points-1 points0 points 2 years ago
I would argue that it's been about 1980 or so years, according to myth he was born in year 1 or 0 or something, and died in his early thirtys.
[–]TheDrop 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
~2000
No need to argue.
[–]Zolty 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
I like arguing
Arguing is hard. Let's go to church.
Awww come on mom it's too early and you are just going to hit on Mr. Jenknis. He is married you know and your god doesn't appreciate infidelity.
The Lord works in mysterious ways. For instance, He told me in a dream that I am to sacrifice you.
HOLY SHIT THE RAPTURE, LATER HEATHEN.
[–]Sturmvogel -15 points-14 points-13 points 2 years ago
I'm not a Christian by ANY MEANS but you self identified atheists here on Reddit are such tools.
TOOLS. Like the contemporary meaning. Or are you so out of it that you don't know what that means?
[–]Sturmvogel -14 points-13 points-12 points 2 years ago
Like I said, "the contemporary meaning".
You're a tool. A bitch. A nerd. A everything you've already been called in your life. An awkward motherfucker that has no friends. Need I go on?
[–]darthchurro 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago
So I'm a tool, and you're a punkass. What does this have to do with anything?
[–]Sturmvogel -10 points-9 points-8 points 2 years ago
No, you're a bitch.
[–]darthchurro 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
Tell me more.
I think you got trolled hardcore, you moron lol.
Lol no you did lol.
lol idiot
[–]caffeinatedzen 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago
Do enlighten us please.
[–]ixid 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
The judgement of one whose powers of observation reach such heights as 'tools' is important to me.
[–]sheep1e 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago
We're all waiting with bated breath to find out why you think that.
[–]pitofdoom -6 points-5 points-4 points 2 years ago
Mat 16:4 An evil generation seeks a sign, but no sign shall be given.
Surprise will be the whirlwind that destroys many.- pitofdoom
all it takes is a username and password
create account
is it really that easy? only one way to find out...
already have an account and just want to login?
login
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