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[–]helleborus 41 points42 points ago

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That would be the pot calling the kettle black in my case! I would review his comment history pretty carefully though. That actually happened to me recently and I got in big twouble :(

[–][deleted] ago* 

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[deleted]

[–]helleborus 5 points6 points ago

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It was always a rule that no one IRL knows my on-goings online.

That is such a good plan! I had a crazy-jealous boyfriend once who took some online goofing around with my friends way out of context and went berserk over it. (It was a yahoo group that you needed a password to read and he also lied about that.) I'm getting a chuckle now remembering the culmination of that incident: I was driving down 2nd Ave on the phone with him yelling, "EVERYONE IN FUCKING TEXAS SAW ME IN THE BLACK BIKINI! YOU HAPPY NOW, MOTHERFUCKER?!"

Good times ;)

[–]PhilxBefore 0 points1 point ago

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Did he want you to wear a burqini or something?

[–]corvus_corax 0 points1 point ago

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Pretty sure he was the one wearing a bikini...

[–]PhilxBefore 0 points1 point ago

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Ah, missed that. Thanks.

[–]Midgers 1 point2 points ago

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Reading a comment history is very snoopy.

[–]helleborus 0 points1 point ago

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Reading a comment history is very snoopy.

Meh. I would never go through his wallet or email or drawers or anything like that, but stuff that he puts out in public I think is fine to review.

When my bf looked at my reddit comments (and got mad at me for one), I thought about calling him out for spying on me but then decided I had no just cause.

I guess it's a personal decision that we make about what our individual privacy threshold is.

[–]Midgers 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah I regard it as unnecessary. The internet means anonymity, and that means you should be free from being bitched at by someone in RL over a comment on Reddit. It's stupid and really none of anyone elses business. I see it the same as flipping through someones cell phone, wallet or personal documents.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]waxpoet 11 points12 points ago

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If people have replied to your comments, that robs the community of context when reading older posts. it's really pretty annoying actually.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]waxpoet 1 point2 points ago

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wow. the way the article defines an 'incubater' sounds an awful lot like someone with ADD as well.

[–]seals 0 points1 point ago

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I'm definitely an incubator (in college I'd have to research my papers weeks ahead of time and then put them "away" but still would continuously think about them until the night before when I suddenly everything would crystallize and flow out). But I'm not ADD at all. Just need time to process things.

And heh, I scored 4/4 on every question but one on that "quiz". I'm not surprised anymore, so I only gave myself a 2.

[–]waxpoet 0 points1 point ago

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thanks for sharing. I've never heard of an 'incubator' type personality until this article. I just could relate to a lot of the pathology around feeling called "lazy" and "never living up to my potential" and all that.

[–]elleymay80 8 points9 points ago

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Well, you just described my husband...so no. Plus he's super hot, and amazing so it doesn't matter to me what he does (or doesn't do) at work. Also, I agree with helleborus, I spend probably as much time on here as he does, and I'm a worse procrastinator. I think it comes down to what is important to you. Did you learn growing up that the most important characteristic in a boyfriend is that he has a strong work ethic, or that he treats you well?

[–]heylookatme 3 points4 points ago* 

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I would say that having compatible values is a pretty darn important factor in a relationship, so it really depends on the individual. If a strong worth ethic is something that is important to somebody, then I can see how dating a slacker could end in disaster, no matter how nice he is to you.

I don't necessarily think that being on reddit 5-6 hrs a day means someone is a slacker, though. Some people work better under pressure, and can pump out the same quality of work in a two hour focused work session as most other people do in an 8 hr work day.

Edit: I suck at grammar.

[–]elleymay80 2 points3 points ago

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I would say that having compatible values is a pretty darn important factor in a relationship, so it really depends on the individual. If a strong worth ethic is something that is important to somebody, then I can see how dating a slacker could end in disaster, no matter how nice he is to you.

Yep, that's just what I was trying to say. Thanks for expounding on that.

[–]bapppppppppp[S] 3 points4 points ago

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Hot and amazing? May you offer more detail, it piques my curiosity?

[–]siljak 2 points3 points ago

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FIVE TO SIX HOURS?!!!

Good grief! I thought I was bad, checking in here at coffee breaks. I must spend on average about 2 hours a day online, doing something other than work, and I felt a bit guilty about that. Now I don't feel nearly so guilty! Thanks!!

[–]PhilxBefore 4 points5 points ago

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I spend between 9-15 hours a day on reddit, and still have time to go out and party =P

[–]mystimel 2 points3 points ago

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Especially reddit meetup parties right? We're still thinking of having one in a couple weeks :P

[–]PhilxBefore 0 points1 point ago

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Awesome, just be sure to message me!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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You are at work doing this, most people are not.

[–]Leighsah 8 points9 points ago* 

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Yes. I like grown-ups. Who know, understand and follow through on their responsibilities.

And definitely understand at sometime you will be the thing he procrastinates about. You wanted to do something or go somewhere and the thing he has procrastinated about for the last month (could be a paper, a report, his taxes, whatever) will have come to a head. He must do it. And you will be the one to pay for his procrastination.

[–]Xert 1 point2 points ago

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The fact that doing a paper, report, or taxes is more important than you wanting to go somewhere counts as you "paying"?

[–]EvilGamerKitty 0 points1 point ago

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When he's had plenty of time to do it but has left it to the absolute last minute, I would agree with Leighsah. Of course there are times where other things need to take priority over time spent together, but if he is consistently leaving things to the last minute and canceling on me, I'd say he's probably not my kind of guy.

[–]Xert 0 points1 point ago

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Oh, I agree entirely that going out with a guy that's consistently leaving things to the last minute and canceling is a poor relationship...

It's just the [perhaps unintentionally somewhat snooty] phrasing of "I like grown-ups Who know, understand and follow through on their responsibilities" contrasted with an objection to doing perfectly responsible things such as a paper, report, or taxes -- particularly when the objection is simply "you wanted to do something". IMO that description sounds like an immature person feeling like an extraordinarily self-important grown-up critical of others for not catering to whims (no mention was made of canceling plans at the last minute, or even of any previous plans being made at all).

I dunno. I think I agree with you entirely, but I'll stand by my original objection.

[–]waxpoet 0 points1 point ago

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just wanted to point out my reply to the OP. :)

[–]wdonnell 2 points3 points ago

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You should probably marry him

[–]lorj 1 point2 points ago

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Noooo. I wish my boyfriend was on Reddit as much as I am!

[–]bapppppppppp[S] 4 points5 points ago

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How about if he was on you as much as you were on reddit? tee-hee

[–]dishie 1 point2 points ago

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My boyfriend is a Redditor, but he never comments on anything, just reads.

[–]chem_vixen 1 point2 points ago

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No not at all, there's alot of interesting stuff on here to read. I did introduce my bf to reddit, he has an account but as of now he's just a lurker :)

[–]emorrow64 1 point2 points ago

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Not at all, I wish my boyfriends were redditors, then we might actually have something to talk about.

[–]waxpoet 1 point2 points ago

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If you care enough about him and the relationship, you could also try helping him understand himself better. I just learned that I (definitely) have ADD, have had my whole life, and am learning a lot about why some of my relationships have suffered for similar reasons you mentioned.

This article is a pretty good read if you're interested...

*Being undiagnosed, I viewed my procrastination as laziness. But in my experience with ADD persons, I have found few who were genuinely lazy. Now I understand that putting off tedious jobs is simply doing what ADD'ers do. We naturally and instinctively compensate for our under stimulated brains by avoiding and putting off humdrum jobs. *

It goes on to talk about how it's important that ADD is an explanation for some things, not an excuse. And understanding how I tick gives me a much better strategy for creating structures in my life that work...instead of "just fuckin do it already, damnit!" (which was pounded into me by my father, and never really worked).

[–]bapppppppppp[S] 1 point2 points ago

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Regarding the ADD part, what have you found to work for you?

[–]waxpoet 0 points1 point ago

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first a disclaimer, I'm not an expert. I've just learned this about myself in the last few months. I was diagnosed with ADD at 16 but waited 20 more years to really understand what it means and look into it seriously. I've had 20+ years of beating my head against the wall, wondering if I'm just lazy or selfish, or if I'm every going to live up to my potential. So, just understanding what it is (and what it isn't) and that it's real has really released a lot of frustration and self-doubt because now I understand how my brain works.

What works for me is still yet to be determined, but I'm trying a drug called Adderall which has a profound effect on my ability to concentrate and complete a task from start to finish. It doesn't make me want to do it any more than before, but once I get started I can actually see a HUGE difference in my ability to stay doing it until it's done. (e.g. from "simple" things like doing the dishes and paying my bills, to big things like being able to read an entire chapter of a book in one sitting).

I have about a thousand other thoughts on my experience with all this, so if you're still interested or have any other questions, feel free to reply back or PM me. :)

[–]Leighsah 0 points1 point ago

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I'm sure there are some people that have ADD or ADHD and you may be one of them, but this is like the fibromyalgia of the 2000's and chronic fatigue syndrome of the 1990's.

It is a diagnosis based on subjective conclusions and seems to be the diagnosis of the decade.

[–]waxpoet 0 points1 point ago* 

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It is a diagnosis based on subjective conclusions and seems to be the diagnosis of the decade.

I agree that it seems to be the diagnosis of the decade, especially by (well meaning) teachers and family practice doctors whose area of expertise is not ADD/ADHD.

However, your first statement about it being based on subjective conclusions sounded pretty dismissive. ALL diagnoses of the mind are based on subjective conclusions (except for ones so serious that it will show up on an MRI, qEEG, or SPECT scan; and even then the analysis can still be called subjective).

A team of leading experts, in conjunction with the World Health Organization, developed the Adult Self-Report Scale (ASRS), and about 80% of the people who score positive on that test turn out to have ADD when a full evaluation is done.

From what I've read and the doctors I've talked to, the medical community is changing their perception of ADD from a "disorder", to just a different type of mind (which undiagnosed tends to create a lot of problems in modern society). There are a lot of different opinions and myths (and stigmas) about ADD in popular culture right now, and just dismissing it as an over-used catch-all diagnosis keeps a lot of people from looking into it closer; some of whom could really have a huge difference made for their lives if it was properly diagnosed and treated.

edit: this interview with Howie Mandell is great.

*"I think the biggest issue in adults is that they don’t think ADHD is real when you think about it in just the layman’s way, you think of a hyper kid running around..." *

"What we are trying to do is create awareness that ADHD is real for adults. I think some people just use it for vernacular sometimes -– I can’t do that, I’m ADD or ADHD -– and it really is an issue and it is real."

[–]katethefabulous 1 point2 points ago

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I would probably just think that he is in a career that is isn't passionate about an needs to change careers etc. instead of going on reddit so much. I wouldn't necesssarily think badly of him though - we are all guilty of procrastinating

[–]mystimel 1 point2 points ago

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If it just makes him procrastinate stuff, and he still does it in time and everything then no, but if they shirk responsibilities for internet things then yes.

[–]fucktoy 1 point2 points ago

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Nah. My boyfriend is a redditor, and we tend to notice different threads...and then we get to share them! Yay.

[–]missyb 1 point2 points ago

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It was my boyfriend who introduced me to reddit, so I wouldn't mind.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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No. That's exactly what I used to when when I was working a job where I could.

If some guy looked down on me for uh... being on reddit so much I don't think I could pursue a relationship due to me feeling like such a huge loser. People like people that are like them.

[–]ShinyRatFace 0 points1 point ago

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Only if he were doing it on my computer and preventing me from getting my own reddit fix.

Luckily, my husband is into watching nerdy crap on the tv for hours while I reddit. I actually got a netbook a few months ago so we could cuddle comfortably on the couch while we pursue our separate nerdly interests.

[–]Dianae 0 points1 point ago

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My bf introduced me to reddit, and probably spends more time on the site than I do, so I'd have to say no. I will have to qualify this by saying he works super hard at his job, freelancing, and school, so reddit time has not really impeded him.

[–]Bibbityboo 0 points1 point ago

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For the most part, I'd be so into that.

It'd mean he'd "get" my jokes, we'd have things to talk about etc. And I really really like nerds. Oh yeah.

Downside would be that I probably couldn't share cool links with him (he'd have seen them already) and well... I do like that no one on reddit knows who I am so I'd probably ask that we ignore each other online ;).

[–]bapppppppppp[S] 1 point2 points ago

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Introduce him to digg while you're on reddit if he never visited this site before, he'd still get some of the jokes but you'll always be able to share new links.

[–]Bibbityboo 0 points1 point ago

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Brilliant...and strangely cruel.

[–]AnnaRKey 0 points1 point ago

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My boyfriend is a Redditor, he introduced me to Reddit. He maybe spends about 4 hours (or an entire work day at times) on Reddit. It doesn't make him any less attractive, since being your own boss has these sorts of fruits when there's nothing to really do.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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id probably like him more

[–]TangerinePlum 0 points1 point ago

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Wait...someone who understands my jokes and addiction to flash games? I'm trying to get my BF into reddit! Procrastination is a different story. If you're somebody who doesn't devote time to the necessities in your life and can't prioritize it's not reddit's fault, it's yours.

[–]reeksofhavoc 0 points1 point ago

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would it make him less attractive?

Yes.

Now if he had his own business or did it on off hours then it would be a huge turn on.

Unless he was a dick.

[–]pinkkisses 0 points1 point ago

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yes.

[–]maecheneb 0 points1 point ago

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Well, not for me personally- I spend more time on reddit than I should, and a guy that does the same would make me happy (it's the case I have with my boyfriend )! <3 However, if it was really inhibiting his work/social life/etc, I would find it adorable, but unproductive, and probably try to help him find inspiration to leave reddit to get other stuffs done.

[–]trixiecat 0 points1 point ago

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You just described my boyfriend. And yes. Edit: because him looking at monitor instead of me = turnoff

[–]perezidentt 0 points1 point ago

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If she isn't a redditor herself then she won't understand.

[–]dishie 3 points4 points ago

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My ex was a non-Redditor, and he told me on more than one occasion that he was actually jealous. Of a website.

[–]freshpickles 1 point2 points ago

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awkward

[–]bapppppppppp[S] 0 points1 point ago

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Good point..

[–]venpaca -4 points-3 points ago

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well, considering the type of retards who comment on reddit, you should STAY AWAY