So I've written a suicide note.

aenea · 1 year

I'm so sorry. Please don't leave your wife alone now. My guess is that if she wanted to be with 'family', she would be. I can't think of anything worse than dying myself, and knowing that I'd killed my partner too (and whether or not that's true, I don't have any doubt that's how I would feel). I doubt if happiness would be within her realm.

I still think that there's a possibility that you can have a good life after- you've got your art, and there are always possibilities. Not too many of us have to go through what you've been through in the last year, and you have made it this far.

dyinginside · 1 year

Please don't be another victim of cancer. I am sure it is more than that at this point for you. But if this thing is going to take her, don't let it take you. Live for her. Eat what you want, see the ocean... you say you have money.. I hate for this to sound shallow but see the world, drink the finest wine, live everything for her, experience and taste everything she cannot, be her eyes and keep her heart with you. I can think of no greater honor my husband could pay me if I was walking her path. I am so sorry... you have my thoughts.

ksalley · 1 year

I am so sorry about your wife. Cancer is just the worst most thieving disease.

I think you should talk to your wife. She obviously felt you had something to offer when she married you, why wouldn't someone else? I think you seem like a very caring person, and it seems a shame to give up without getting out there first. Also, look at what you're going through right now, you need to give yourself some time. As cliche and stupid as it sounds, grief does get better over time. In another year you might look on this time and not recognize yourself. You've got money it sounds like. Maybe you could get out and do something, something crazy! Disabled or not, I'm sure you have things you want to do, things to offer the world around you. Things people would find interesting. Why not give it a try? Find out whats out there? I don't know your situation apart from what you've said here. But I do know that I've felt what you're feeling, ok maybe not exactly, but I felt like I wanted it to just end, and now I'm glad I didn't. I'm not saying my life is all beer and roses, but I've found things that make it worth while to wake up each day. And I think you can to. Please talk to someone in your life before you make this decision. Talk to your wife, or her family even. And please let us know how you get on.

JustAnotherAlien · 1 year

Talk to your wife about that.

[deleted] · 1 year

You're obviously a caring person, there are very few of them around. You will make it through. Yes, the pain and the longing might seem too much for you take right now, but do you really want to give up at a time, when you're wanted the most? No.

SicSemperHumanus · 1 year

My condolences on the cancer, I hope your wife pulls through :(.

Even if she doesn't (and especially if she does), I think you should strongly reconsider these thoughts of suicide. There is a future for you, though neither you nor I will know what that is until you get there. Your wife could live with her family, sure, or she could live with you and be just as, if not more, happy, yes?

But, I don't think your own life should hinge on those of others. It helps, and it's a reason to stick around even when you want to end it all, but it doesn't make whatever pain you are dealing with go away.

The fact that those you have told this to basically brushed you off is more than a little infuriating, by the way. My question is, have you told your wife? She's struggling right now too I suppose, but maybe you can be each others' support. Talk with her, she has more perspective on your life and personality than any of us.

A year ago, you life was perfect. Now, it looks like it's in the shitter, and never coming out again. Which is possible I suppose. But it's also possible that your wife goes through chemo, the cancer remises, and you two live out the rest of your lives happily. Or perhaps she doesn't make it, but later on you do meet someone (and yes, there are going to be people attracted to you for more than your wealth, though you won't find them without looking) and you find the same sort of happiness you have with your wife. The thing is, you don't know what's going to happen, and as long as there is a chance that you come back from all this and enjoy life again, you should not think of suicide as an option. Suicide is always going to be there, but other things won't be. Take advantage of them while you can.

dyinginside · 1 year

Before you do anything, go to someone who cares, and MAKE THEM make you feel better.

Resolve to be an old crippled guy who can't get a date.

tallfellow · 1 year

Maybe this won't help, maybe it will. I don't know, but I'm going to throw it out there as a thought and you can do with it what you will. It's almost certainly the case that there are many women with whom you are compatible. That's not to say they are common, or that if you were able bodied there might not be more, but.. that there is only one person in the entire world for you, and that you've found her now, is not a fantasy you can afford at this time.

Now, understand, I'm not saying your wife isn't an amazing and loving and unique woman. I'm not saying that she's not important to you. I'm not saying that your life isn't much richer and happier and fulfiling with her in it. What I'm saying is that the pain you feel now is about the loss you feel now. She needs you and for all the reasons you think she's amazing and your life is richer because she's part of it, you need to support her, and stay with her, and help her through a transition that will be incredibly hard for her. As much as she is your rock, you are hers.

Once this period of time is over, and you've dealt with all the pain and the anger and the loss of losing someone who is your best friend, your lover, your companion. You have to try and pull yourself together and find a way to try and put your life back into some semblance of normality. It's not going to be easy, you're going to suffer and there's going to be hurt that you will feel each day. The truth is that we all have these losses, they happen everyday, to so many people. Somehow we all manage to pull it together and move on with our lives. And it happens one day at a time.

In time you'll start being able to talk to people, see people, meet people. You sound like a good guy, someone who's got a good head on his shoulders and who when he's not totally stressed out would be a good friend and companion.

No one can stop you from taking your life, if that's what you want to do. But right now, in this state of mind, with this burden, you're not thinking clearly. You have a lot to live for, and you will find a way to improve your life, I'm certain of it. You've done amazing things already and you found a woman who loved you and treasured you and saw you as someone amazingly special.

There are other women who will feel the same. Count on it.

skekze · 1 year

Life's a piece of shit brother, but aside of that, it has it's moments that make all worthwhile. Hang on and see what tomorrow brings, for death will surely knock on your door, when you least expect him. This illusion of matter is just that, we're all just energy, waiting to be released back into the ether, your time will come, enjoy your time here. I'm trying myself. Don't forget to see the beauty of it all as well. Good luck in this grand cartoon.

Gravity13 · 1 year

I'm so sorry.

I can't even begin to suggest that I have a suitable answer for you. Please don't presume that nobody will ever love you again, this is simply not true. I'm sure you're feeling lost and like you will be alone - there really is no cure for this, I just wish you the strength to survive this.

I suggest speaking with your and her family about organizing at a relay for life. They have them in most places: http://www.relayforlife.org/relay/ - Getting together will be excellent, and you can earn a rather large amount of money in the name of your wife. Hell, I suggest submitting your donation run to reddit and seeing how much other redditors will give - as an impetus to get you started, if you do this I will donate $50 for your relay group myself.

yurigoul · 1 year

I did not want to go into the story about your wife because people here have already said a thing or two about it.

Let's talk about the image of you and dating. Something that is very difficult for me is that dating as an activity is something that is connected to being young, maybe not to being a real virgin but it is connected to people without a history, without luggage, it is connected to people who are psychological virgins. All those things I am not. And I believe the same applies to you.

If this is also the case for you, the question you might want to ask yourself is if that matters. And maybe you want to find yourself a scene where it does not matter, where people are equally experienced, who have a similar outlook on life, people you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts with. Start there, the dating will follow.

So in short: you can take steps to find yourself a new path plus the people who want to go that path in more or less the same direction but it takes time and energy. It won't necessarily cost you money, unless you want to find people who share certain activities that cost money (the price of the transport and the gear to go hiking for instance).

I would almost say: don't believe the hype, because that image of dating is something that in my opinion destroys the lives of a lot of people who are somewhat older.

spacebe · 1 year

She needs me. But I see no future for myself

I think staying in the moment with her is probably pretty important to her. Get lots of books, or something, and slow down for her sake. Go to the gym or take regular hikes to get out.

Consider your ability to predict the future over the years. Did you know 20 years ago you'd be where you are now? Maybe use that sort of logic on the part of your mind that is predicting a dismal future. Do you really know what's possible?

Never make important decisions in a tired and/or depressed mind state.

Fucking cancer

One_sign · 1 year

I can understand how you feel. When I was 25 I found out my momhad cancer that was extremely aggressive. Ten years later she's still alive even though it spread to her lungs and bones. Her life hasn't been horrible though. Of course there were plenty of rough patches with drug side effects or infections and hospital stays and surgeries. But it wasn't as bad as I envisioned it in the beginning. And she is still here and enjoying things in life like her grand daughter, my niece. I put off so many things thinking I wouldn't be able to deal with kids as well as her sickness. But she's still alive and now I've got to start living too. I'm pregnant and I'm 36 now, and I finally don't spend every day dwelling on how she will die inevitably. And in all these years I've been able to do some amazing things for her. Being there for someone when they are going through cancer is one of the highest honors in life because you can show them how much you love them. Yes, when she is gone nothing will feel the same, but you will join her soon enough. While you wait for that day she'll watch over you and you won't be alone. You can still have a relationship with someone who has passed on if you are spiritual on some level. She will see you in your dreams at night and you will feel her presence around you in the day. I like the advice that you travel a little, see things you haven't before after she is gone. Find a companion of some sort, even another widower going through the same thing. But until then, you have a duty to be strong, and remember, even when you have to spend time in the hospital with her it isn't going to be as bad as you think. I spent a lot of time talking to my mom about her childhood. It got her mind off things and we laughed many times in situations you wouldn't believe- because life is funny even when you are going through stuff that most people find horrifying, you can still find humor in it. And anti depressants can help sometimes as well as counselors. Hospice gives free counseling to families of people with cancer. My counselor helped me to see the beauty in my sacrifices and in our struggle.

Doc88 · 1 year

I want you to tell your wife exactly what you wrote up top. It will help the both of you.

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