People who drown themselves in cologne or perfume before coming to work, could you please... just... STOP??!

cultured_banana_slug · 1 year

The problem is that your sense of smell blocks out things it has to deal with every day. That's why some people have no idea how badly they smell--they smell it all the time, so their brains filter it out.

Perfume-drenchers figure, "Hey, if I can't smell it, I should put more on." Not realizing, of course, that others can smell it just fine. They wind up putting more and more on so that they know they're wearing it, oblivious to the fact that they're walking around in their own miasmic asphyxiation cloud.

A good perfume is just a hint in the air... not a sledgehammer to the lungs.

iccccceman · 1 year

But then you will smell the weed

TheKarmaModerator · 1 year

My mother in law does this shit. I've actually counted, and she hits the spray button up to 14 times on her perfume bottle.

Then she bitches that when we are in the car, I have all the windows down. I say... "I can't fucking breathe because you fumigated yourself with perfume".

She answers.. "If I don't put this much, I can't smell it."

God I hate that fucking woman.

speccyteccy · 1 year

Most people don't realise that the whole point of perfumes is to wear just enough to encourage people to come closer.

SweetKri · 1 year

The best perfume advice I ever got as a teen was, "The only people who should know you're wearing perfume are you, or your boyfriend."

falconandwhip · 1 year

I worked at a buffet in high school as a cashier, and on Sundays alot of baptist church groups would come in and most of the women absolutely reeked of shitty generic old people smelling perfume, that would just linger in the air. Halfway through ringing them up i would have a sneezing fit, and my eyes would be bloodshot to hell. Fuck you, i dont wish to smell you.

cosmicfool · 1 year

Consider yourself lucky, get a job as an engineer and you got to convince people to take a shower!

Neo991lb · 1 year

I was told to never, ever, under any circumstance wear cologne to a job interview, because you could bother (for lack of a better word) your interviewer. I've taken this a step further into the workplace, because I don't feel like I should bait and switch. I like keeping up a neutral smelling low profile in the office. Then I can avoid being "that guy".

saidbefore · 1 year

I'm a high school teacher. Yesterday, one of my students wrote "lots of girls tell me they love the way my colon smells."

maximumcharacterlimi · 1 year

Maybe I'm just an awful human being, but when that happens to me I can't help but go "HOLY shit! Who is that?! You? Jesus Christ. Bit too strong on the perfume, mate." Problem solved.

Shadowglove · 1 year

Hahaha try walking behind a bunch of teens today. You smell like a fucking perfume factory! Helloo, you have lost your sense of smell?

HoldingUpTheBar · 1 year

You think you got it bad? I work at a major cosmetics company that seems to have a policy of hiring obese middle aged cougars who sniff at me for having a beard. Little do they realize, they look and smell like washed up prostitutes who own the deluxe model of Homer's makeup gun.

Not only are they disgusting and stupid, they are also rude. I make a point of saying please, thank you, excuse me etc and in particular, holding doors open for people. Do these snobby cows ever reciprocate? Nooooo, they're too busy rushing to the staff shop to replace their worn out, herpes laced lipstick or to the canteen to stuff themselves with a metric ton of rivita 'because they're watching their weight'. AAAAANDDD...most of them read the Daily Mail.

All together now.."Where's the tower? Where's the gun? Where's the tower? Where's the gun..."

[deleted] · 1 year

Axe is the number one offender. It's like an Ed Hardy t-shirt for your nose.

mactac · 1 year

It's funny, these people start using cologne or perfume as teenagers, without understanding subtlety, and then just keep on going, never learning refinement.

It's almost like the people that never learn that wearing a denim jacket stops being cool after high school & keep wearing the same type of clothes while they are adults and look like idiots.

Timeflag12 · 1 year

Real Men of Genius

bored-now · 1 year

You need to go to your company HR department. Most companies have policies regarding excessive cologne & perfume. Some of it is driven by people in your situation (just can't stand the smell), others actually have health issues. My husband is allergic to most fragrences, and if someone has too much scent on, he'll actually swell up with hives.

(let me tell you, as a girl who loves scented products, it's been a challenge, but his health is more important then my girly soap).

JohnDoe06 · 1 year

...COLLABORATE and LISTEN!

peacepoetry · 1 year

Problem can be easily solved by:

A) Stop wearing cheap perfume. My coworker was wearing some cheap stuff and I asked what it was and he said he got it AT THE DOLLAR STORE... (It seriously smelled like Cabbage Fart) B) Shower before using perfume. Masking the stench of ball sweat and arm pit must is the worst thing you can do. Everyone's noses and brains will be confused by crisscrossing matrix of stink and perfume. C) Put the cologne / perfume under the clothes. This in addition to B) creates that subtle effect that everyone likes... D) No more than 2 sprays. There's no excuse for 'CHH CHHHH CHHHHHH CHHHHHHH CHHHHHHH CHHHHHHH CHHHHHHH'

rossiFan · 1 year

True story: I worked at a law firm in LA and we had an intern (pre-lawschool, actually) who started working for us doing minor things like filing. Smart kid, just no social skills, greasy hair, etc... His stench was absolutely horrific. Really, really, really bad. Anyway, I am elected to tell him about it. He goes off to Duke and returns the next summer a completely different person. He smelled good, his hair was clean and trimmed, and he was flirting with the secretaries. I think my alerting him to his smelliness turned his life around.

TehRhawb · 1 year

My family used to know a lady that absolutely bathed in cheap perfume. Not like a normal person wearing too much perfume - she had on so much perfume that the scent actually started to distort and smell even more horrific. She had to have used at least 1/4 to 1/2 bottle daily, to this day I've never smelled anyone wearing so much perfume.

Anyway, one day my mom and this lady went out for lunch and my mom offered to drive, not considering the implications of having a half bottle of perfume riding shotgun. After she got back, the smell inside the car was so intense she had to park it in the garage with all the windows down to let it air out. I can still remember the way the garage smelled as the car sat untouched for that week, it was literally nauseating. I'd dread going into the garage because I would inevitably gag as soon as that smell hit my nostrils. This stuff was really bad news - ever since then, I've never been particularly bothered by someone wearing too much perfume. It could never stack up to that awful, awful stench that I had to endure for that week. I definitely feel your pain.

Moral of the story: the more perfume/cologne you put on, the more it sucks.

picklebreath · 1 year

Heh. Reminds me of the time I kept complaining about the smell of the insecticide the exterminator at my workplace used, then one of my coworkers walked past me and I realized what it really was...

whyipr · 1 year

I work at a large technical corporation with a lot of engineers, many here on work visas. I laughed my ass off the day corporate sent out an email explaining the courtesy of basic hygiene to everyone.

rylos · 1 year

A few years back there was a fart incident in my teenage son's room. A real, real, stinky one. Then one of his friends sprayed a bunch of axe into the fart cloud. Something must have mutated, because the room was totally toxic for hours. They still talk about it.

pablozamoras · 1 year

Next week's submission will be "People who constantly smell like garbage boiled in feces at work, could you please... just... put on some cologne or perfume??!"

Blinker1990 · 1 year

My roommate first semester put on so much cologne every morning that it would literally wake me up. Also, ladies, I have never once smelled a perfume I liked.

boredtodeath · 1 year

Upvoted for use of 'AoE'

[deleted] · 1 year

This means you, Saudi Arabia

[deleted] · 1 year

No. I'm covering up the fact that I found my clothes on the floor this morning, I had a smoke before leaving for work, and I'm still hung over and worried the alcohol is still seeping through my pores.

ciaran036 · 1 year

Tell you're workmates that... why tell us??

Wickens · 1 year

I use a light spritzing. I dont need to drown myself.

Even then, women seem to think I smell good when I I dont wear it.

Menace2Sobriety · 1 year

GLENDALE!!!

mrwynd · 1 year

My father used to do this. When I was 14 I sat down and had a serious discussion with him about how he can't smell it but other people can from miles away. He really had no idea but he stopped!

JamEaterBlues · 1 year

Im probably going to be so far on the bottom nobody will notice, but okay.

Im pretty knowledgeable about perfumes and colognes. The facts is that drowning yourself all really depends on what you are wearing. A musky smell is going to reek with a stray or two, and if you have less oily skin and the scent in question is eu de parfum, you have a long lasting stink.

Interestingly enough, there are many perfumes and colognes that you can spray on yourself 10 times and you maintain a classy glow all day long. Again, this is pretty dependent on the scent. My rule of thumb is NO musks, NO Prada, and nothing under 20 bucks. In the case of scents, designers are almost always the way to go. The more you spend on a scent, the classier it usually is (again, besides Prada brands for women, shit usually stinks)

I always recommend lighter scents to men and women. For women, fruity smells are usually pretty effective, although there are some sugary and floral that are great as well. For men, I recommend leathery or spicy smells (Armani Code for example) Whether or not a person reeks is pretty dependent on exactly how good they are at choosing a perfume. The more you know about the way different smalls and brands, the better off you will be in public.

yascha · 1 year

HONESTLY STOP BECAUSE I FEEL PHYSICALLY ILL SMELLING IT ALL DAY

commodoreperry · 1 year

Axe is the fucking worst.

Genericbrain · 1 year

NO... fuck you I don't like taking showers, I have an irrational fear of being naked. DAMN YOU CATHOLICISM...

[deleted] · 1 year

I don't always wear cologne, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis cologne and I wear lots of it. Actually it's just beer, and I don't remember what happened last night and haven't changed clothes yet...

guthmund · 1 year

If there's going to be a crusade against people and their perfume in the workplace, then I suggest similar crusades against other olfactory offenses.

I would rather smell the most gawddawful, cheap, eye-stinging, asthma inducing body spray du jour, than get stuck in an elevator with Captain B.O. or the guy who smells like ketchup and cheese or the gal whose breath is reminiscent of cat food or...you get the point, yes?

At least, in this instance, they're trying to smell good rather than simply not trying. I applaud them for that, even as I hold my nose...

everyth1ngshiny · 1 year

The girl who sits in the cubicle next to mine puts on this horrible old-lady smelling lotion every afternoon. It's so strong that it sometimes gives me headaches, but I'm too chicken to confront her. I wish people would learn common courtesy.

[deleted] · 1 year

My bad.

sitruss · 1 year

This morning I was eating breakfast and I kept catching this weird powdery scent and it started making me paranoid, like something might be on fire. Turns out my neighbor's purfume was SO STRONG that, 20 minutes after leaving her apartment, there was some invisible cloud by her front door seeping into my apartment.

At what point do you say 'I really want to be a walking biohazard today'? Jesus christ.

waltbomb · 1 year

Nine times out of ten they're smokers and they don't want you to know about it. I had an identical new-guy experience a year ago who sat beside me. One day his manager called him in and told him he was allowed a maximum of one spritz. If you're close enough, you can catch a whiff of the cigarettes he was trying to hide, but it's an infinite improvement over a Stetson bath.

radical_heartbeat · 1 year

You should tell your manager have a perfume allergy. In my office there are signs on certain rows of cubes that say 'Perfume-free area due to allergies'.

gimmesomemoe · 1 year

Well here's the thing... I have to cover up the smell of the skunky weed I smoke on the way to work somehow. I try to use decent cologne... you don't like Polo? I mean shit, it could be Axe bodyspray or something. But yeah, until they legalize it, I'm gonna need to keep applying extra cologne to mask the dank. Sorry.

bigtime44 · 1 year

Funny that you mention this. One of the ladies at work wears a LOT of perfume. We ran into each other today as she was taking a corner on my side of the hallway. The smell literally took my breath away. It was so strong that I couldn't breath. Fukton is definitely the perfect word.

ObligatoryResponse · 1 year

Indeed. We don't need dead people sitting around stinking up the joint.

If you're going to commit suicide, don't come to work afterwards. Please remain wherever you died. Thanks.

boredtodeath · 1 year

Even worse are the women who practically dunk themselves in perfume right before they leave for the day. And them you end up getting on the same elevator as them. It's worse than a tear gas grenade.

1 year

[deleted]

Bob3333 · 1 year

There's a lady here at work that sits at her cube and sprays herself with more perfume every couple of hours. I have to cover my face with wet Kleenex to breathe.

1 year

[deleted]

tias · 1 year

There's an infamous guy at my company (of ~2000 employees) who uses so much cologne that he leaves an odor trail for hours wherever he goes. You go to the toilet and go "yup, he's been here at least once in the past few days." He borrowed a guy's phone for half an hour and it's been reeking of cologne for months. He doesn't even work in the same city (though he sometimes comes to visit), but everybody around my office knows about him.

The only good thing about it is that it gives you an insight into what it must be like to be a dog. I swear to god if he ever got lost in the woods, we could track him down just by his scent.

angry_fap · 1 year

YES, halt with the mexican showers.

Rudalwin · 1 year

No. Deal with it.

octave1 · 1 year

I read somewhere "Don't apply cologne as if it's water you're using to extinguish a fire". One or two squirts is good. You wonna mix it up with your own scents to those lust chemicals in the ladies' noses.

letigre87 · 1 year

the object of the game is to where something that is attractive, not offensive. Then you spray the cologne/perfume into the air and walk through the spray. While you may not smell its there, it is. Then your prey will have to hunt where that alluring smell is coming from.

eric22vhs · 1 year

It depends on your idea of being drowned in cologne. Sometimes, yes, people go overboard with it. Usually older women with their perfume, or just idiots wearing the tag spray deodorants (The gel axe stick deodorant deodorants smell really friggin good). However, I notice a lot of people who bother to call anyone out on it, generally do so if they happen to smell it at all. This isn't me being biased, as I don't even own a bottle of cologne, and rarely put anything stronger smelling than my stick deodorant on; I'm just stating my observations.

Also, cheap is irrelevant. There's as much wildly expensive crap that smells worse than cheaper stuff. Personally I think Aquavelva aftershave which is about $6 for a big container, smells better than most expensive colognes.

I'd also like to add that I find people who wear lotion to be worse with the funky smells than either of the above. A lot of lotion smells as strong as cologne or perfume, but smells terrible. At best it smells like somebody microwaved a piece of salt water taffy floating in a cup of milk.

If however someone applies it in a public or semi public place, especially something like the tag or axe sprays, then it's definitely understandable to get upset, as it makes the entire vicinity smell.

getfuckedon · 1 year

I smell like shit.

komali_2 · 1 year

If I don't spritz some cologne on, I smell like ferret.

elmassivo · 1 year

All perfume/cologne smells like hairspray to me, true story.

I try to smell like sawdust and outside. Two VERY MANLY odors.

dirtymoney · 1 year

I'd rather smell someone's cologne or perfume than their body odor. Because MAN!... Some people REALLY REALLY stink!

ps. and I am not talking about been workin all day sweating & stinking.... I am talking about come into the the office first thing in the morning and holy shit did a raccoon die in here?-stink.

Class1 · 1 year

God, I wish this guy i work with used some.

r0t0r00t · 1 year

I went on a first date with a girl who wore that exclamation perfume. She was in my car for maybe an hour and a half tops, and it smelled like exclamation for the next 4 days. 4 DAYS!!!! I almost traded in my car.

ckcornflake · 1 year

This drives me nuts.

Just put on some deodorant and shower daily. That's it! I don't want to smell fucking chemicals all day.

piney · 1 year

Charles Bronson disagrees.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8bqVL0VXrE

All the world loves a lover. All the world loves Mandom.

thephotoman · 1 year

BTW, it's Hardee's east of the Mississippi.

kels0 · 1 year

Theres a guy in my gym, he baths in cologne before leaving, its so bad you can taste it. Some times i have to lick my shirt to get the taste out!

randomb0y · 1 year

Yes, it's much better if you do it at work, otherwise much of that precious smell is wasted outdoors.

thoradam · 1 year

I like it. Please continue.

HideAndSeek · 1 year

Mediocre cologne and perfume smells a lot better then rank BO and poorly wiped backsides.

[deleted] · 1 year

if i want to drink aqua velva that!s my choice

drizzlelicious · 1 year

For the sake of humanity, can you confront somebody when they smell bad? It's one thing to complain about terrible smelling people, and it's another thing to pretend you don't care about their smell when they're in front of you and complain about them on the internet. Think about the world of good that you'd be doing to them when you help them realize that they're putting on way too much cologne/perfume. They'd be saved from future embarrassment, and everybody would scent themselves more sensibly.

Also confront people if they simply smell terrible.. like, in a reeking sort of way.

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